Blame

There comes a time in a child's life when he/she starts blaming things on others. Usually their sibling. They do it for things like when they make a mess, snuck some candy, turned on the tv, etc. All without asking. All because he/she knows they will get in trouble. Well you see Teg doesn' have a sibling to blame his faults on. So who do think he blames it on? That would David or myself. All depends on who he is talking to. It is quite hilarious actually. Just makes me realize how much he is missing out on without having a sibling. I sure hope he doesn't turn into a spoiled brat. I can already see it starting and I have tried everything I know.

We are hoping that this year will bring a baby into our lives. And not when Tegan acts like one.

Merry Christmas!

{Sorry ya’ll, Christmas cards just didn’t happen this year. Maybe next. Sorry to those your will not be receiving ours this year. I don’t even have time to make this all cutesy. }

We are so grateful for those you have thought of us this holiday season. We surely are blessed!

We hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

From The Patterson Family to yours

Fertility Treatments

I can't help but worrying about what is in store for me. For us. As mentioned before I made a phone call. Made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I have tried everything from my regular obgyn 3 of them in fact. Then tried to tackle it naturally with tons of vitamins and supplements. I have tried changing my diet. Nothing has worked. In the journey I did find out that my testosterone levels are super high. Which totally makes sense. It is one of the symptoms of PCOS. In the past 12 months I have had a period a total of 4 times. Of course that doesn't help.

So now I am hoping to find some help at the fertility center. I am guessing that the first step would be artificial insemination or IUI. I am so thanful for insurance since it does cover half of the costs. But looking at numbers the price is still more than we can afford. So hopefully my faith will be strong enough.

So my question is: Has anyone done IUI or know anyone that has? What are your experiences?

I have heard a lot about IVF but not a lot about IUI so I am just curious.

Thanks!

Empty

Next month is an appointment. One that I wish wasn’t so far away. Yet it is. I received that paperwork for such appointment via email. Pretty sure that 19 pages of paperwork will drain my ink cartridge and take forever to fill out.

I wish I was told how hard it would be to “BE” while trying to get pregnant.

Life goes by way too fast…

As I dropped my little mister off for speech therapy this morning I couldn’t help but to get a little teary eyed. As I watched him walk up to the door all by himself big as can be made me just a little sad. Then he turned to look at me and said, “Bye Mom. Love you!”. Then the tears came.

I can’t believe that my little baby is going to Primary next year. It really didn’t hit me until Saturday night at our ward party when someone informed me that he would be going. I was in shock. I just never realized how fast this year has gone by.

I have been putting off trying to find a preschool for him. I wasn’t sure why but then I realized that I am just not that happy to send him away for a few hours each week. What in the world am I going to do? I never thought that I would have so much time on my hands especially at this time in my life. I expected to have 2 little ones possibly with another babe on the way. Isn’t it crazy how things don’t go as planned? I just have to keep thinking that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me. It definetly isn’t my plan but he knows what is best. So through this Christmas season I am and will continue to have Christ in my thoughts and be grateful for what I have. It sure is hard most of the time but it is the only thing that keeps me going. That and my little rascal.

On another note we are trying to find friends. Yes all of us. David and I would love to have group dates. We just think they are fun. So if anyone would like to make new friends and maybe do something once a month or just once please let me know. We are going to be proactive this coming new year and do some fun things.

Tegan also is looking for friends. Poor kid doesn’t have siblings to keep him busy and he sure is bored of me most of the time. So if you would like to do a regular play date let me know. I want to plan things so that he has stuff to look forward to.

Merry Christmas ya’ll!

Jonah Mowry: 'Whats Goin on..'

EVERYONE needs to watch this. I am bawling! I too was bullied. I am still bullied as an adult. It needs to stop! Hopefully everyone's hearts will soften even just a little by watching this.

What to do…

It is crazy to think that this is will be our 2nd Christmas without a baby. That’s right it has almost been 2 years. It kills me to know that in that 2 years many women are getting pregnant with their 2nd child in just the amount that we have been trying for one. Yep kills me.

After many rounds of clomid, months and months of progesterone, doctor after doctor, supplements and vitamins, too many doctor apppointments to count and a hole in our pockets I am just ready to give up. Ready to get on with my life. I would like to feel happy with just one child but I just feel like our family is not complete. There is a just a void that needs to be filled. I am not sure how it will be filled but somehow it does. We are trying to decide what is next. We are praying for an answer. We are praying for comfort.

So please keep us in your prayers through this holiday season. This is the hardest time of year for me.

I am now going to go cuddle my little buddy and sing him to sleep. I am so grateful to be a mother to one special little boy yet I am longing for more.

Hi my name is…

Naomi and I am addicted to Vampire Diaries. Yep that’s right. Took me awhile to get on the bandwagon since we don’t have cable. But after they put it on Netflix I knew I had to watch it.

The problem is there are only 44 episodes….

I am at episode 34….

I watched that many in a matter of days….

I am tired….

I need sleep!

Me being a Twilightfanatic now says….Move over Edward…Team Stefan!

Super Power

If I could choose one of the many super powers that people dream of what would I choose? I would choose for the ability to stop time. So I can have the opportunity to catch up. I really don’t like being left behind.

Just a little sad today.

It just keeps getting closer and closer to the 2 year mark.

And I don’t like it one bit.

Tomorrow will be better.

School Bus

Tegan asked me like he does pretty much every day: “Mommy I wanna go to Nana’s house!”

Me: “Not right now bud.”

Tegan: “Yes today MOM!”

Me: “Not right now. You are going over later.”

Tegan: “I will ride the school bus.”

Me: “Sorry bud but a school bus doesn’t go over there from her.”

Teg: “YES! School bus take me.”

 

Things that Tegan loves: The Magic School Bus and Nana.

Women

Lately I have been so shocked as to what women pin on Pinterest. Don’t get my wrong I love the site. But it has showed me how unhappy women are. They are always trying to change themselves. They are never happy about their current state.

Take this for example:

The title of this picture was “This or That?”

Is there something wrong with one or the other?

Honestly!

I find something very wrong with this.

Who is to say what is beautiful?

The media?

How about our Heavenly Father who created our bodies.

I totally believe that everyone should be healthy but in no way is this:

Healthy.

I am proud to say that I am a “Plus Size” girl.

I am proud of that fact.

I was born with the genes that will not allow me to look like this:

And never would I want to.

I am grateful for my body.

This body of mine allowed me to birth a child. Now that is a super power.

Yes at times it lets me down but that is a fact of life. In no way is skinny going to make you “feel better”. Nothing can make you feel better but yourself. Nothing!

When you find that you love yourself. Everything about yourself you will find that you don’t care if you are size 1 or a size 18.

I am a size 18 and I am proud to say…

I am proud of ME!

I couldn’t come up with a good Blog Title…so this is it.

Wow! Has it really been that long since I last blogged? Not like anyone cares. I am starting to think that I am just writing to myself. Oh well.

The past month or so we have been quite busy. We have been in our new apartment for just over a month. And we are loving it! I have been to our ward a total of 2 times. Opps! Our ward is mostly made up of people who are quite older than us. And their children who are Tegan’s age are their youngest. So it is a little weird. Definetly something that we will have to get used to. I have definetly had to get used to going to a new ward by myself. I really don’t like that David works Sundays. I really miss having my companion by my side. We have yet to even meet our bishop or bishopric. Weird? Yea I think so too. I was told that the Relief Society Presidency would come by to visit. That hasn’t happened either. Weird?Maybe.

This past month has been full of back pain. Resulting in being bedridden for one whole week. Not cool! Along with another late period. And another. Yep.

Tegan has been going to speech therapy at the new school. Love it! Tegan is finally talking in sentences. Sentences people! Never thought I ‘d see the day. Well I did but…oh ya know. I can actually have somewhat of a conversation with him and it is wonderful! My days at home aren’t that boring anymore. He says the funniest things and I/we laugh all day long. He tells me that I am constantly in “Twouble” for things like talking too much or tickling him. He thinks that everyone is his friends including the teenage kids up and down our street. He loves everyone and tries to give every baby kisses. I am afraid that some moms may think I or him are crazy since he likes to touch or kiss their child. But it sure is heart melting.

David’s parent received their mission call and are going to Chicago. Illinois. We are so excited for them! We hope to be able to go visit them next year (since it is only a 12 month mission). That is if we can find some good deals on plane tickets, hotels, etc. We shall see.

We are headed to Disneyland in the month of December with my family and we are all so excited! Teg is so excited to meet Mickey Mouse. And we are excited for a our first official family vacation.

Oh and can’t forget that we are loving having Uncle Chantz home. He continue’s to corrupt my child by telling him to do things that are forbidden and teaching him countless things that a uncle should do.

We are hopping to get some family pics done with my side this weekend so I might actually have some pictures to post. Since that is the only thing people look at anyways. Right?

Tegan is a BIG Helper

Last night while unpacking some more boxes I found Tegan’s old baby bottles. I set them on the table to put them in a ‘baby”box for later. Well this morning Tegan decided that he needed to feed his doll (yes he has a boy doll and I am so glad I got it for him). He got the carton out of the fridge and filled up the bottle. In the process he also poured almost the whole carton on the floor. After hearing milk spilling on the floor from the next room I ran in. Tegan then told me, “Sorry mommy I’m helping”. No I couldn’t get angry. I was immediately confronted with sadness. This child of mine wants nothing more than to be a big brother. He is the best little helper. When that time comes that he gets the privilege he will be the BEST!

If you didn’t notice we did move which is the reason as to why I was unpacking. We found a cute little basement apartment in Lehi and we are loving it! We hope to stay here for a while. It is so big compared to our last apartment. I am loving the ward I was pretty much attacked at church yesterday with everyone’s kindness.

My brother also came home from his mission and Tegan and him are like 2 peas in a pod. Tegan asks for Chantz wherever we go. They were seriously made from the same mold so it is so fun seeing those 2 together.

Feels like…

Someone just ripped out my heart and stomped on it.  Aunt Flo was 3weeks late with no good results. Really?! Why does this happen to me. If it’s going to come it might as well come on time. Feels like a month has just been wasted.

Another day down in the dumps. Gotta pick myself back up and try it again. I guess I can be happy that I ovulated for the first time in 19months (or even more).

Good thing I have some thing to look forward to so I don’t have to think about all my sadness. Elder Chantz Whipple comes home on Wednesday. I can’t wait to get a big bear hug and a slobbery kiss on the cheek. Because my brother Chantz always makes everything better.

Another great note…we are moving yet again. Sometime around October 8th. I am actually excited about it. We found an adorable basement apartment in Lehi and we are so excited for the extra space compared to our apartment. And less space then in this house we are currently in. We are excited to have everything out of boxes and ready for what life brings us next. If it is a baby then we are here with open arms. Tegan included.

6 year ago today…

…I married this man…

When we got married we only knew each other for 5 months. But we wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Even with our little quirks I love him more and more everyday.

Marriage definetly isn’t easy but we sure have enjoyed the journey. Our journey together, FOREVER!

I love you Babe!

If you ask Tegan…

…What color Power Ranger is he will not hesitate to tell you that he is the “Green Ranger”.

…What Santa flies on he will tell you “a plane”.

…If he wants chicken nuggets or pancakes. He will say “pancakes”.

…What he wants to drink he will say “water”.

…If he wants a treat he will ask for “chocolate”.

…If Chantz (Elder Whipple) will come home on a train, plane or car he will say “plane”.

…What he will say to Chantz when he comes home he will say “I love you Chantz! I missed you thiiiiissss {with outstretched arms} much!”.

22 Days and Counting!

Friendship

I take friendship very seriously. It is sad that not everyone does the same. I choose to surround myself with people that lift me up, give me encouragement and do not jump to conclusions. And I continue to do the same.

It is sad that bad things have to happen to realize who your friends are. But if they didn't happen I wouldn't know who is being truely my friend.

I am thankful for all my friends that have been through everything with me. EVERYTHING.

It is not the QUANTITY of friends that matter. It is the QUALITY.

Everyone has Their own Trial

I stumbled across this blog awhile ago and I believe everything that this man has said. Everyone has their own trial some seem so trivial to others and some are huge. I have learned so much from what he has said on his blog and continue to read it and it has continued to open my eyes. I suggest that everyone read this.

(Gay) Mormon Guy

I posted this to share my beliefs. If you do not believe what I do that is fine we can agree to disagree. This is my blog and I will and can write what I want with out being bashed.

Mindy Gledhill - Anchor

I can listen to this song over and over all day long. Never gets old.

I Would Die For That

Yep. I am bawling.

Those 2 Pink Lines

Many women will never know what it is like to not see those 2 pink lines for months (or in my case 18 months). I do. Never once surprised to find once again that there was only one little pink line on the ovulation test. Just like every day I would stomp the ground, hunch my way to the garbage and throw it away. Then I would try to pick myself back up and try to put on my happy place for Tegan and hope that he doesn’t see me cry once again. It kills me to hear him say “Mommy you ok?” again and again. So when you see those 2 little pink lines you are more than ecstatic and jump for joy. Now I am normal. I am like many other women and can ovulate. Now to see if we can make some use of it.

{Thanks to Google for the pic. Mine looked just like this.}

Just a little bragging…

It is just so wonderful to have a potty trained child. Especially since it took over 8 months to accomplish the task. I knew he could do it but fighting with a stubborn child won’t get you anywhere and it didn’t. Finally it clicked with him. Who knew that my very clean child didn’t like cleaning the poop out of his underwear. I was thinking that we would wait awhile to get started on night training. I just didn’t think he could do it since he sleeps so soundly. Well the past week his pullups have been dry every night so we took the plunge and let him sleep in his underwear. I woke him up before I went to bed and had him go to the bathroom and he was completely dry this morn. Oh what a relief! I know that I am not fully out of the ballpark and that he will still have accidents from time to time. But not having to clean up a mess every day multiple times per day is fantastic!

Tegan being potty trained proves to me that he is growing up. Much too fast. I don’t like it one bit.

A fan can be art?

At The Foundary today there is new stuff! Like this super cute fan

Only $42…

Isn’t it gorgeous?!

Or I really need some new pans. They are literally chipping away. Too bad payday is too far away.

Only $145…

Rachael Ray I love your stuff but don’t own any of it. How does that work?

 

Both found at The Foundary today.

Phone Call Scam

***I remember hearing about this scam awhile ago somewhere but can’t remember where…does anyone have an idea***

Well last night I was so tired so I went to bed early. Like 11pm early. I had just gotten to sleep when I heard a my phone ring. At MIDNIGHT (correction: after looking at my phone the phone calls were at 12:40 am). I was so annoyed and saw that it was an ‘UNAVAILABLE’ number. UGH! I got the same call the night before. I didn’t answer. A minute later it started ringing again. I really just wanted to throw my phone out the window at this point. I finally just answered it. It was a recording stating that my Wells Fargo Account had insufficient funds (or something like that I was barely awake). Well…I don’t have an account with Wells Fargo. Another UGH!

I just don’t want people to fall for this scam. I heard somewhere that they will ask for you to enter in some certain information such as your account number and social security number. I guarantee you that if there was a problem with your account that the bank would not be calling you at MIDNIGHT when you are half asleep.

So please don’t fall for the scam and just commence sleep.

Deals…

Since so many women are prego I figured so many people could use a deal on baby stuff. You can either spoil yourself or buy a baby gift at The Foundary. They have some super cute blankets for pretty dang good prices. Check it out!

Like this blanket for $13

Or this one for $14

At The Foundary you can find even more than baby stuff. I love a good deal don’t you?

My mantra’s as of NOW!

 

  

Tweaking

How do you like the new look? I am finally finding out how original my blog can actually look with some tweaking. Still working on some things so bear with me.
P.S. Did you notice that you don't even have to leave a comment if you like something I write? Take a look.

FYI

I wish I would have thought about this before…You can buy Ovulation Tests/Kits on Amazon. Not only that but it is a fraction of the price of the ones sold in stores. Along with the doctor bills and medications it kills me to have to pay $19-$30 for Ovulation Tests. Well at least next month I can save. I always hope to not have to buy them ever again but I have been buying them for 1 1/2 years now so I am not holding my breath.

A Break…

As some of you may have seen I have decided to take a break from Facebook. It just causes me too much pain. I just don’t have the strength to overcome it right now. I am tired of people telling me how I should feel and what I should do. Just stop…

On my quest to find some hope and something to uplift my spirits I found this poem. The auther is unknown…

When do I stop?
When do I realize it's enough?
Why does it have to be me
who has it so tough?
There are many out there
who are evil and perverse.
Yet do You burden them
with an infertility curse?
A 16 year old delivers
a healthy baby boy
then throws him in the garbage
like some old broken toy.
A drug addict
has 3 beautiful little ones
and beats them black and blue
for nothing they have done.
A worn-out woman
with already more than she can bear
sighs dissapointedly
when she sees two lines are there.
God give me one, just one
to cherish all my days
And I promise that to You I'll give
all glory, credit and praise.
Make it stop
this intense longing and fear.
Please give me a child
that I can hold near!

My knees are gunna be hurtin’ tonight.

Right before I crawl into my black hole and cry.

Is it safe to say….

that Tegan is potty trained? I don’t want to jinx it but I am sure proud of my little buddy. He hasn’t had a accident since Thursday! What?! I am sure he will occasionally have them but to not have them everyday is just wonderful. It makes my day so much better when I don’t have to clean up the mess. So for his reward we are going to Disneyland with my family in December. We were already going to go but I think this helped him actually want to potty train. It sure was a long 8 months trying to get him trained but it was totally worth it! He is still wearing pull-ups at night since he still has occasional accidents. But the past few nights he has been getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom so I hope that night training isn’t far behind. 

These are some pics from our trip to the Dinosaur Museum today.

Tegan with his friend Bronson.

Tegan posing in front of the shark.

Is it worth it?

Sometimes I wonder if all the stress that I put myself through while trying to conceive is worth it. If going to the doc multiple times during the month is worth it. If spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars is worth it. But then I see Tegan…I see how happy he makes me. I see how he makes my days so much brighter because he is part of them. I love that he is my little buddy and partner in crime. He sure can be a little handful at times but it makes me love him even more. He is so much like me it makes me laugh. I can’t wait until that day when Tegan can do what he does best and that is be a little friend to children that are smaller than him. I can’t wait till the day that he becomes a big brother.  So after seeing all these things I realize that it is worth it. When I do finally conceive I will have a new appreciation to those who go years and years without being able to be a mother. I will never take all the miracles that come into my life for granted. So yes…It is totally worth it!

A Haunted House

As some of you may know we are living in my parents old house. When I lived here during my teen years I always thought that this house is haunted as well as my family.  I would hear the strangest things in the middle of the night and see things too. We then found out that the house was built on indian burial grounds. Really! The house isn’t old or anything it is only maybe 11 years old. So it is just weird!

Right after we moved in I heard what sounded like a glass being dropped onto the wood floors. I scoured the kitchen to find nothing. Well last night David and I were woken up by the blood curdling screams of Tegan. He rarely does that. If he does wake up in the middle of the night (which is quite often) he will climb into bed with us. David ran into see him sitting up in his bed frozen. David asked what happened and he replied saying “It’s rocky”. David of course had to ask some more questions to understand what he was saying. He then found out that Tegan saw someone sitting on his rocking horse (that is in the corner of his room) rocking back and forth. Freaking you out a bit? I know it sure did freak me out as David told me. Well tonight we are moving the horse out of his room in the hopes that he doesn’t see anything again tonight. The last thing that I want to hear in the middle of the night are the blood curdling screams from my toddler.

A Friend…

I feel so bad….Teg yesterday said that he wanted a friend. We drive down the street and he waves at all the big kids and wants to go play with him but he just isn’t old enough. Doesn’t help that he doesn’t talk as well as other 3 year olds. So he needs a friend! We get so bored during the day since it is just us two. So if anyone else’s child needs a friend let me know

What to say…

So I came to the realization that I have not posted much about my family or posted pics well before Christmas. Opps! I have been so caught up with my issues and life that I just haven’t even thought about it. I really should catch up though. This is the only way that I even keep track of our lives since I am not a journal writer. Just seems so private to me. I am not a private person. So soon…I will hopefully get caught up with what has been happening in the past 9 months….geez that’s a long time. I am sure many of you will be bored and just look at the pics but it is all for my enjoyment.

As some of you may have seen….we are taking another wack at potty training. We never really stopped we just got tired of things not progressing so we just stopped pushing it all. We have been potty training for about 8 months and have had little success. While at home and being in his underwear he does great! Then when you put pants on him he goes pee a lot in his pants. To the point that I have to wash all of his shorts in a matter of a couple hours. And he has a lot of shorts. He also rarely poops in the toilet. When he has gone it has been an accident. He has also been wearing pull-ups when ever we go anywhere because like I said put pants on him and he doesn’t go. Well after not being able to put him in preschool since he is not potty trained I decided that potty training needs to happen soon. It will happen this month. I know that he will continue to have occasional accidents but for the most part he just needs to be potty trained. I hope that when the school year comes and we are able to continue where we left off with the speech therapist he will continue to progress in his speech. Because to be honest he has not done well with that since school ended. He just does not like practicing with me. So hopefully with him talking more he will be able to communicate when he needs to go to the bathroom. I can not wait until that happens.

We have made a shrine on the wall, his potty training shrine. If he is potty trained by December he will get to go to Disneyland and meet Mickey Mouse. Who right now is his absolute fave! We were hoping to go on a cruise with my family but with some unexpected things coming up it unforuntely won’t happen. Hopefully it will happen in the near future. So we decided it would be much cheaper and easier to go to Disneyland. We are still trying to figure out when we are going and exactly what we will do but we are planning on going in December. We are hoping to go during Christmas but we will see.

Tegan personality sure has come out resently. He is hilarious! The other morning I lay in bed listening to what he was doing downstairs. As I was going down the stairs Tegan ran over in a very sneaky way said “No, No, No Mommy go upsturs”, “Go take a shower”. Of course when he does that I know that he is doing something that he isn’t supposed to be doing. Well it wasn’t as big as some other things that he has done recently he had just pushed a chair over to the large entertainment center and climbed a few shelves to get his playing cards that I was keeping out of reach so that 6 boxes of cards wouldn’t end up all over the floor. I guess I didn’t have them hiden well enough. Tegan also has some sweet dance moves! We are hoping to be able to put him in some gymnastics and then maybe a hip-hop class this fall so he can not only get some energy out but do what he enjoys with other kids. Tonight as he was naked (we were hoping to convince him to go poop on the potty. didn’t happen.) he stood in front of me with his hands on his hips shaking them like Shakira. Then put his hands in the air and danced like he was from the disco era and was John Travolta. Hilarious! He makes us laugh every day!

 

My brother, Elder Whipple gets home in less than 2 months and we couldn’t be more excited! I am so excited to see him with Tegan. Tegan was only 18 months when he left and was so sad when he did. Tegan is so much like him that it will be a blast to see those 2 together. I am so excited to hear his stories and see how he has grown into a man. I have loved reading his emails every week and seeing how his testimony has grown. I love how he has stuck by my side through my hard times even though he is states away. He always knows exactly what to say. I just love my brother!

Clique’s

Clique's why do they exist? Because women are self-conscious. And why is that? Because they always think they have to be better. They always think that people look down on them. They think they are not good enough. They get comfortable around women that they know. Women that they can ‘trust’. But do you really trust them?

I myself have never been in a ‘Clique’. Never have been, never will. Why you ask? I like to have many friends. I like to meet new women, new people. I like to learn of new things. And how to trust. If you never put your trust in someone how will you know what it means? How will you know what it means if your trust has never been tested?

I have found that in Utah women care too much of what others think. They don’t think they are funny enough. They don’t think they are skinny enough. They don’t think they are good parents. Why as LDS women or any women from any faith do that to themselves.

I know that I am the best parent that I can be. And I strive to be better every day. I know I am not skinny but I am happy in my skin. I may not be hilarious but I can be sometimes. Is that not enough? We are all trying to get to the same place. So as women why don’t we support each other? Why don’t we lift each other up?

I am a Child of God. And he LOVES me! I know that and will know that forever. I live my day every day striving to be like him. Did Jesus have Clique’s? Pretty sure he didn’t. So why do women think they need that?

As a women I will always wonder these things.

Blogs

First off I would like to apologize. I haven’t been the best at reading all of my wonderful friends blogs lately. I also have been terrible at commenting due to the fact that it rarely works. Drives me crazy! The reason I haven’t been reading a lot of blogs is due to the fact that it most of it depresses me. I feel like I am doing good keeping my mind on tract and staying positive until I read such great things about babies and families and then I feel like I fall a million miles below the surface. Below the ground in my dark place. I don’t want to be there.

I have tried to stay clear of babies period. Every so often it helps a lot by just holding a baby in my arms. It just does something for me. Babies are just miraculous and they bring me joy. But hearing of how people love how their children love their new baby brother or sister it kills me. I want nothing more for Tegan to be a big brother. He has started talking about it, about how he would love a baby. I hate that I can not give that to him right now. I hate that I can not do that for our family.

So I apologize for the way I have been. I apologize for how I have checked out. All I need is a friend right now.  Some people have extended a hand while others have told me to get over it. Obviously those people have no clue what it is like to be broken.

These feelings usually stay clear until that one time during the month. When my emotions are high and I know why. It is when my body welcomes Aunt Flow. Though she is not welcome here. I would rather not see her for 9 months. Maybe if I posted a ‘Not Welcome’ sign my body would get the clue and she would stay clear.

Until then please try to understand. Please understand how I feel. Understand how it may feel like you want something so bad in this world but you have no control over the results.

80 year old back

I am only 24 years old and I feel like I have a back of a 80 year old. I have felt like that for years. I would very much appreciate it if it would stop costing me money, chiropractors just aren't in the budget right now. Maybe if I could afford a sleep number bed I wouldn't have this problem. Still costing me money!

See in high school I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. No wonder I was always in pain. Then they said that I was cured. Then I was in 3 car accidents. Now it is a whole different problem.

I don’t remember a day that my back didn’t hurt. It pretty much sucks! Who has the money to spend $15-$40 for each chiropractic appointment a few times a month. I certainly don’t. Most days I have just learned to grin and bear and other days I can barely move. Like today. It would really help if my husband could give some awesome back rubs but lets face it…he sucks. Sorry hon!  His idea of a back rub is hitting my back. Yep! Then I get mad cause that is not a rub. Then he starts poking. What? Yea that doesn’t feel good at all. Maybe if he learned to give some awesome back rubs I wouldn’t be in pain as often.

Well let’s face it I will prolly always be in pain, maybe it would just make it less noticeable.

Discipline

Tegan likes to pick at things. He likes to pick at stickers, paint, wallpaper, food, you name it. In our previous home he picked at a tiny hole in the wall in his bedroom. As he picked at it the paint disappeared around the area more every day until it was massive. Now as we are in another place he decided he wanted to try it again. There was a small area above the stairs that was missing a little paint due to moving furniture. What did Tegan do? He decided he needed to pick at it again. He has spent many times on the time-out stool. #1 for doing the act that I have told him multiple times not to do. and #2 for not cleaning up his mess. I have set the timer for him to clean it up and if it is not cleaned up then he sits in time-out. Then I try to get him to do it again.
Obviously this has become an endless cycle that I am very tired of. David today will try to patch the whole so Tegan will not be tempted since he just has to do it. I blame it on his OCD. Yes my child is 3 almost 3 1/2 and he is OCD has been for a long time. He definitely didn't get it from me.
So now I ask what should I do? The discipline isn't working and I am tired of looking at his mess since I refuse to pick it up. That just won't work in the discipline process.
I will gladly take any advice. Thank you!

I want to redecorate our bedroom

Our master bedroom currently is Asian themed with gold, reds, and blacks. I need a change. I have been leaning towards turquoise.  Yes? Here are some bedrooms that I am LOVING!

All rights reserved by It's Great To Be Home

All rights reserved by It's Great To Be Home

I am personally leaning more towards this one!

All rights reserved by Red Jessi

All rights reserved by KritiDreamer

I am thinking of keeping the red and black pieces maybe even a little of the Asian décor that I have but add turquoise and more red. What do you all think? Looks like I have some craigslist shopping and DI’ing to do.

Did you hear? I cut my hair? I am in love!

We are...

MOVING! Not like my life it crazy enough. haha We are moving to N. Lehi and we are so excited. It is going to be a temporary thing and only plan to be there for 4-6 months. It was such a great deal we couldn't pass it up. We will be out of our apt on June 12th but plan to start moving before then. I will gladly accept any offers to help pack, clean, and patch holes in the walls. If you can only imagine the next few weeks are going to be a little crazy around here.

Thrift Shop Glam

After living on our own for almost 6 years I think I finally have found my style. I have found this wonderful blog that has inspired me. The girl over at Vintage Revival found a name for what my style is :Thrift Shop Glam. I never liked the phrase Shabby Chic. I now want to paint every thing in site! I found some amazing side tables on ksl not long ago and I talked my friend into picking them up for me since they were all the way in Ogden. The 2 side tables were listed for $40. In my mind that was a fantastic price for some real wood side tables. Well long story short I ended up paying $20 for the pair. Killer! So know I need to figure out what color I want to paint them. I have gotten free paint so the choices are either sunshine yellow or apple green. I have also found some other wonderful ideas. Now I just need to remember to take before and after pics so everyone can see my cool projects. I am so excited for this summer of crafts!

Would love to see Teg as a....

Big Brother. No not an announcement. Believe me when it happens the announcement will be HUGE! Any who back to my story......I watched my friends little girl yesterday so my friend Tessa and her husband Lorin could go see Pirates. Kennedy turns 1 next week (which I just can't believe by the way!) and is a doll. She is the cutest chunk and prolly weighs almost as much as skinny little Teg. I am just not used to the chunk since Teg was always skinny and at the most had half a roll haha.

She really is just adorable. I just love seeing Teg with kids younger than him. He loves showing off and showing and sharing his toys (he does not do so well sharing with kids his own age). He loves helping out by giving her snacks, her drinks, handing me a diaper, etc. It is adorable! I got a little glance at how it would be with a 2nd child. And boy did I love it. We ended up going over to my parents towards the end so I could help them pack and move (yes they are moving. crazy huh? more on that later). I kinda forgot how much little kids move at that age. She did not like my entertaining and would much rather watch Teg run around like a crazy kid (he must of snuck some Dr. Pepper or chocolate. Can I bottle some of that energy for myself?). She wanted to explore the house all the empty floors. I can't wait until I can see my own little child crawling around and exploring. I love the way Tegan explores don't get me wrong. I love how excited he is about every thing, about life. There is just something about seeing a little child explore things for the first time. How they mimic the sounds of little animals. Seriously I totally forgot what it was like. I don't doubt that I will go a little crazy from time to time but I can see it being totally worth it.

Until that time comes I will try to curve my baby-hunger through my friends babes. It only helps for a little while since I don't get the pleasure to bring them home with me but I do love it. Until then....

I am not broken.

{my friend told me about this blog. I pretty much copy and pasted it. This is so wonderful I may have leaked a little.}

Dear Naomi,

You are a good mom. You love your children.

Heavenly Father knew that you could handle this trial.
He CHOSE you.

It is hard.
You can do hard things.

Sometimes when you feel your blood boil, and you want to scream at the top of your lungs,
"IT'S NOT FAIR"
It's ok.
Because it's not fair.
Life is not fair.

And that is what makes it all so beautiful!

You are right, it would be far easier to have a body that works.
But yours does not.
And even though you are learning and growing so much because of it,
sometimes the pain feels like it might suffocate you.

But your infertility is not about you.
It is not an attack of your character.
It is not a punishment for something you have done.
It is not because you are incapable of being a great mother to many.

You are not broken on accident.
Heavenly Father did not skip over you because you were undeserving.
You were not forgotten.

Instead, He hand chose you out of the crowd, and precisely changed you to be the person you are. I believe he took you aside, put his arm around you, and with tears streaming down his very own face, knowing it will break your heart, asked if you if could carry this burden.
He promised you would never be alone. And he would bless you!
But, he would need to make you differently.
Not to break you.
But to create miracles for your eyes to see.
Every day.

You were not stripped of the most sacred act of multiplying and replenishing to your hearts content, because you were not worth it to be made whole.

You may feel broken, and forgotten, in your divine right of motherhood.
But you were made from scratch!
Everything you have been given, has been given by God.
"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."



Cry until your soul hurts. Because it is hard.
But don't ever feel broken.

.

According to Wikipedia:
Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term

MYTH: Only families without children, suffer from infertility.

Faith

I have faith. I am good with faith. But that doesn't mean that I struggle. I have the faith that My Heavenly Father loves me. I have faith that he loves my family. I have faith that his church is true. But through my own struggles my faith has wavered. I will never know in this life why my trials are my trials. I will never know why I wasn't given something else. I will never know why he chose me to have the trial of infertility. No one will ever know. Maybe that is why I struggle so much.

I feel like I have found a way. I have found some answers. They aren't really the easiest but it is a way. After some long 15 months I have an answer. Not exactly the answers that I wanted but again they are my trials.

I have become strong. I have become faithful. I have never relied on someone so much in my entire life. I have never asked so many questions in my life. Everything has always been so easy for me to understand until this.

I have spent our entire savings (which wasn't much) plus more in one month. Never did I expect that or want that to happen. But I have faith in my Heavenly Father that everything will work out.

I physically feel better more than I have in months. Mentally too. Those fertility drugs can be very evil. I hope to never have to take them again. For those that are and will have to I apologize. I feel your pain.

After a long time of struggling I am glad to say that I am happy. Has it been hard for me to get here? Yes. Will I still have rough times? Yes. But I have found light in the darkness.

Infertility is heart-wrenching. Faith questioning. Relationship testing. I am so glad that I know the truth. I am so glad that I know that my Heavenly Father has my best interest in mind. I am happy to know that Jesus Christ is my best friend, my brother, and that he is by my side through everything. As I cry myself to sleep after those hard days he is there to wipe my tears. He is there to tell me everything will be ok.

I have lost a few friends in this journey but have gained even more. Those who find my depression annoying aren't my real friends. I am glad to have some real ones in my life. I am glad that I found those friends in my time of need.

When you are depressed. For whatever it may be. Friends are the greatest they are needed. So I encourage everyone. Yes that means you. To stretch out a hand. Open up. Share your experiences. You never know who you will touch.

SWAGBUCKS

If you are my facebook friend then you know how much I LOVE Swagbucks. It is the coolest site ever! It is a site where you can earn 'swagbucks' or virtual money to spend on many different things. My fave thing to get is Amazon gift cards. I have gotten 20 FREE $5 gift cards from this site. That is $100 in FREE money. Seriously try it!

To start earning:

Sign up using my referal link: http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/npatt

Add their toolbar and start searching. You can randomly earn swagbucks. Friday they give out more swagbucks so search a ton on that day. Sometimes I will search for random things to try to earn them.

Take as many surveys as you can. After signing up there are a lot available to you to get started. If you just visit the survey page everyday you earn 1 swagbuck.

Participate in the Daily Poll. Every day for participating you get 1 swagbuck.

Do some of the special offers. I did the Disney Movie Club and got 1225 swagbucks. Enough to get almost 3 $5 Amazon gift cards. Check your Swagbucks inbox. (it is on the top of the home page). They will sometimes have special offers such as buying things from Groupon. It is not all the time but they disapear fast so check it frequently.

Watch Swagbucks TV. These are just short informational clips. For watching so many you can earn swagbucks. I will just have it playing in the background while I check facebook and email.

Use coupons- Coupons.com has paired up with them and you can print right from swagbucks. For every 1 you use you get 10 swagbucks. This is my favorite option!

All of these plus more ways are under the Earn tab at the tob of the Swagbucks home page.

Explore the site. That is how I learned and it was the best way.

Also promote, promote, promote. I get swagbucks for doing nothing. I get a certain amount from my referals and that is when I started to earn big. If you connect your swagbucks with facebook everytime you earn a swagbuck it will post on your facebook wall. And like some of you people join because they are curious.

This is kinda all over the place but I wanted to help all of you earn free stuff! Let me know if any of you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them!


http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/npatt

Cruise...

I guess I was put in charge of planning a vacation for when my brother, Elder Whipple gets home. I am thinking a Disney cruise. Has anyone been on a cruise with children and can recommend one? I am hoping to find a cruise that would be good for adults and children. I have NEVER planned a vacation much less a cruise so I can use all the help I can get. So tips would be greatly appreciated!

Contest

My favorite blog is doing a ton of contests for Mother's Day. You will want to head over and enter all of them. She is giving away a gift certificate for Hapari. I so hope I win something!

http://www.hapari.com/

http://freebies2deals.com

Stumbling

I somehow stumbled upon this blog. I am so glad I did. I think everyone should read what this sweet girl has written. I hope she doesn't mind that I am sharing it with the world.

Check it out HERE

While you are at it check THIS out too

I Am Thankful

I have come to realize: Sometimes our trials as hard as they are can be blessings. Through my trials I have met many wonderful people who have become my friends. Because I am open and honest with what I am going through I have found that I am not alone. I am so thankful for all my many friends that let me vent, complain and cry. Sometimes together. Thanks to those who have gotten me through this 14 months. You know who you are. Love you!

It’s My Birthday?

I guess today is my birthday. I honestly kept forgetting that today was the day that I turned the big 2-4. Maybe cause I still have my calendar showing the month of March. I am really behind. I of course have nothing planned. I started taking progesterone again so that I could finally have another period. And so I can have a HSG done....I know so exciting. So of course I just had to start my period a few days before my birthday. I always have cramps. Really bad ones in fact. But I swear since I don't always have them (December was the last one) when I do have one it is TERRIBLE! Nothing will touch it. Luckily I have some pain killers from when I was in the hospital with a terrible stomach virus last year. Thank goodness. So today instead of enjoying some warm sunshine, going to lunch with my dearest, and eating lots of goodies I am using a lot of these…

While looking out the window at this…

And feeling like this….literally….

Now I am just hoping that our overnight stay in Park City this week isn’t affected by all of this….I really don’t want to reschedule.

A pet?

I have wanted a pet for awhile.

Our friends fish had babies.

Am I crazy to want a couple?

I think maybe.

So I am now searching for an aquarium.

A used one.

A small one.

If only the guy with the KSL ad would reply to me.

Is it a sign?

It could be my Birthday present.

Sounds good to me.

P.S.

Avon...

Going ok...

If only my mom would order every campaign

Then I would be good.

Avon

Yes it is true...I am now selling Avon. It seems like it is going to be something that will be much easier to sell than what I was selling (trying to sell) in the past. I am still learning more on how to get my business started but in the meantime check out my direct website here. I am was totally surpised at all the cool things Avon is selling now and how inexpensive everything is. I LOVE the Mark line. Let me know if you have questions...Happy Shopping.

Growing Up

Today Tegan woke up noticing that he had a slight accident in his Pull-ups. He told me and I told him that I would change them in a little while. Well a little while later I went in to change them and they had already been changed. How in the world did my 3 year old change his own sheets? I have no clue. I have a hard enough time changing them myself. I just can't believe how fast he is growing and learning. This past week he started talking in sentences even more. YAY! He is not much of a talker and this has been a great accomplishment. He is also starting to remember names. I love hearing him talk about his friends and family by name. Today is my last day at work. It is a bittersweet moment. I am so excited that I get to be home with Tegan and actually get to sleep. Even being able to see my husband will be a great thing. We have slowly been getting used to having him around more and I and Tegan are loving it! It sure has taken some getting used to since we were so used to him being gone but this change has been a long time and coming. David hasn't had 2 days off in a week in a few years. I sure will the people that I have worked with. I have come to love them. I will also miss the extra income. We don't necessarily need it with David's new position but we were hoping to have our car paid off before I quit. But that is ok it will just take a few extra months. I am so excited for Spring and Summer and to be able to have a life. And exercise! I am so excited to get my butt back in gear! So here is to cherishing the little moments with our children.

To Sell or Not Sell

Today I had the urge to sell all of the baby stuff. At least the big stuff. We are paying for a storage unit to store it all and it is bugging me. But I am sure that when if I did sell it then I would get prego and then we would have to buy everything all over again. I hate that decision. I have also been thinking I should cancel my Aflac insurance. The whole reason why I got it was to be able to use it while prego. Well after paying it for a year and there is still no progress (absolutely none) I feel like we are paying for nothing. But I am sure that If I did cancel it I would get prego very soon after. Too many decisions. I don't like them.

On another note now that I have a computer (I was without for a few days) I am going to try to catch up on past few months of what has been happening around here. Nothing really has happened so it shouldn't take too long.

We are enjoying and trying to adjust to David's new schedule. In some ways it is much easier and others it is harder. It is hard having to find someone to watch Tegan for an extra hour since David gets off work a hour later. But we have enjoyed having him home more. He has also been helping around the house more which I LOVE! With me working and getting little to no sleep it surely helps. My house is the cleanest that it has been in a while.

I was told that I don't comment on blogs (or a certain blog). So I figured that maybe some feel the same way. If you all think that I do not read your blogs, I do. I just don't spend much time on the computer and don't have time to comment. If I commented on everyone's I would be on the computer for hours. Really though I just forget sometimes. If I really don't have anything to say I don't say anything. That's just me.

I hope that everyone is doing well and enjoying the nicer weather, Spring is just around the corner!

Infertility Support

While watching the news tonight I heard that there is such a thing as Infertility Support Groups. I always thought that there should always be such a thing and there is. The only problem is that the only one near by is in SLC. I am now on the search to find one in Utah County...if there is one. If I had the time I totally would start one. I really do think that women should be open about their struggles. We can only help each other if we know what you are going through. That is why I have never held back. Some might find it annoying but most of the time those people have no clue what it feels like. So I have found something for all of those people. And everyone. I think everyone should read this. I even learned some things. Here is a list of

Infertility Etiquette.

I appreciate everyones thoughts, prayers, and kind words. I LOVE you all!

Pondering

I found myself pondering today.

I came to the realization that I have never had a best friend.

I have never had that one person I could call when I needed someone to talk to. I have never had a friend that even after not talking for weeks you talk like you talked yesterday.

Like you never missed a beat.

Kinda sad.

It is definitely not my fault though.

I think of myself as a kind person and a great listener.

I always invite fellow women and moms to do things with me.

On a very rare occasion has that been reciprocated.

Very sad.

Am I just not a friend magnet?

I have friends, many actually.

But not really anyone that would do anything for me.

Maybe I am just too kind.

Maybe I would bend over backwards for anyone.

Do people not like that?

Don't get me wrong my husband is my best friend.

I can tell him anything.

But sometimes I just want some girl talk.

A girl's night out that I enjoy.

Not a night that I feel like I have to be...not myself.

My mom tells me that it comes with age. That she didn't have a true best friend until she was older. But I have seen that many people have best friends.

Is it my lifestyle?

Am I just too poor?

Or too busy?

Am I too cheap?

Do those things matter?

Sometimes I feel like they do.

The minute I think that I can count on someone everything changes.

They stab me in the back.

It turns into a one way friendship like I am the only one that cares.

Kinda weird that my husband feels the same way.

We have never had couple's friends.

We don't have parties with the same people.

Heck we never even get invited to stuff.

We invite but once again it is not reciprocated.

Sometimes I really do wonder if we stink,

if we are strange,

or not funny.

I guess I just need to keep being me.

Maybe that perfect friend will come along.

My Best Friend.

Mr. Tegster and What's New

Tegan had his 3 year check up today. I can't believe how much he has grown in the last year. He is 39 inches tall which is in the 75%. He has always been in the 90% so he has slowed down a bit. But his weight was 31.8lbs which was in the 50%. What? This kid has never made it above 30% in weight. He is not a big eater so I was really surprised at this.
He is developmentally ahead on everything except talking. He should know 1000 words and a stranger should be able to understand 2/3 of what he is saying. I can't even understand that much. This has been really hard and causes lots of tantrums. He is very smart knows all of his colors and almost all his letters. He just doesn't want to take the time to talk or talk correctly. He told me that I should call the school district to see if they could evaluate him and see if he will need Speech Therapy. Oh how I hope that he can cause it is starting to get really frustrating.
The doc also noticed a little fluid in his ears. Nothing to be concerned about he just has a little cold. He then told me that he is very lucky that he has never had a ear infection. Over 90% of kids have at least 1 ear infection before the age of 3. Oh I am so happy about that!
I can't believe how big he is. I wish he would slow down a bit. I enjoy every minute with him. It might just be him for awhile so we get to spend a lot of time together which I love!

As some of you know David had an interview at work for a new position. We have been praying that he would get the job. And the day of his interview he was offered the position. We prayed trying to know what to do since the schedule is not ideal. He will be working 6am-6pm Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday. Working Sundays is going to be really hard but he is hoping to be able to work something out so that he can go to church once a month. If another lead position (which is what he has) opens up with a better schedule he will have a better chance of getting it. So we are hoping that one will open up soon so he won't have to work Sundays forever. With this new position he will get paid $2 more. Oh how I love this news! We have decided that I will work until we pay off our car. Working has just gotten really hard. I hate not being home to make dinner. And it has caused a lot of stress just trying to arrange our schedules so that we have someone to watch Teg. I also think that it is the cause of me being so sick this winter. I have had to work many times while sick. No fun! Let's just hope that I don't get anything again. I am not a fan of bronchitis, I have had it 4 times this winter. Blah! I just hope that we can pay the car off sooner than later. Than I can put all my focus on Teg and trying to get prego. Working late hours has really put a tole on me and it doesn't help while trying to conceive.