I found myself pondering today.
I came to the realization that I have never had a best friend.
I have never had that one person I could call when I needed someone to talk to. I have never had a friend that even after not talking for weeks you talk like you talked yesterday.
Like you never missed a beat.
Kinda sad.
It is definitely not my fault though.
I think of myself as a kind person and a great listener.
I always invite fellow women and moms to do things with me.
On a very rare occasion has that been reciprocated.
Very sad.
Am I just not a friend magnet?
I have friends, many actually.
But not really anyone that would do anything for me.
Maybe I am just too kind.
Maybe I would bend over backwards for anyone.
Do people not like that?
Don't get me wrong my husband is my best friend.
I can tell him anything.
But sometimes I just want some girl talk.
A girl's night out that I enjoy.
Not a night that I feel like I have to be...not myself.
My mom tells me that it comes with age. That she didn't have a true best friend until she was older. But I have seen that many people have best friends.
Is it my lifestyle?
Am I just too poor?
Or too busy?
Am I too cheap?
Do those things matter?
Sometimes I feel like they do.
The minute I think that I can count on someone everything changes.
They stab me in the back.
It turns into a one way friendship like I am the only one that cares.
Kinda weird that my husband feels the same way.
We have never had couple's friends.
We don't have parties with the same people.
Heck we never even get invited to stuff.
We invite but once again it is not reciprocated.
Sometimes I really do wonder if we stink,
if we are strange,
or not funny.
I guess I just need to keep being me.
Maybe that perfect friend will come along.
My Best Friend.
I'm the same way!! I've never had a best friend. I did in high school we were really close but after marriage and things it's just awkward instead of talked like we talked yesterday. When we lived in Salt Lake we had NO friends except a single dude that Tim roomed with. We always figured no one liked us and started laughing about it. Now that we've moved here where LDS people aren't too common, and most of us are far away from home, everyone in our ward is all we have so it's been really interesting having people actually care and invite us to things!! We're not use to it and still have the "they probably don't like us though" complex.
ReplyDeleteaw, naomi...that makes me sad. maybe your mom is right, maybe your best friend is still yet to come. don't be too sad about it. we don't have any friends that really invite us over since we've been married. granted we did move to a totally new state and are one of the youngest couple around but, i can relate.
ReplyDeletehang in there. the day (and gal pal) is sure to come!
This makes me sad :( 1. Because I am totally the same way...but its my own fault....sometimes I am hostile but its from being let down so much:( 2. Because I love you! I may not be your best friend but I am your friend! 3. I wish I had money to do things or a car to visit during the day but I don't right now maybe someday....you are a wonderful person and you always extend your hand out to us and to others (I know I am a flake but the gesture and offer never goes underappreciated) I promise I do not blow you off intentionally :) there's a lot going on and you know what :( but anyways I love you chin up! We will have girl talk, sex talk, movie talk whatever talk! Sometimes havin your man as a best friend just isn't enough! Love ya, tessa
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way, All through school i had friends my best friends were guy friends. They were the only ones I could talk to. But I want a girlfriend. I had a few sleep overs, but I was never invited i always invited. I hoped things would change when I went to hair school, but the girl I though was my best friend ended up beating (literally) I have no idea why either. I thought we were friends then one day she decided she didn't like me. when i moved to idaho and lived with 5 other girls I considered all of them my friends. one I even asked to be my maid of honor. but now every time she comes up to visit, she visits her other friends and never me. I have tried to get together with her every time I go to utah, but she never has time. I always kinda felt the same way, like i stunk or looked bad because I can't afford the latest style. I even made some girl friends in my new ward, but I always have to initiate something. But the girls get together all the time with out me. Ryan is my best friend, but like you said sometimes you just need a girl to talk to. I'm sorry your going through this too! Just know i love ya!
ReplyDeleteSad this made my cry!!! I hope you think of me as a GOOD friend!!! I think of you as that, my life is just sooo crazy that it's hard to get together! I do feel like I invite you to everything that I do, which might not be much ahha... ANd most of all I REALLY REALLY hope you know you can call and talk to me about anything!!! I need that more too, so lets do it!!!! By the way text me your number, my phone fell in the toilet hahaha, so I just got a new one today since I lost all my contacts love you!!!
ReplyDeletei totally understand & i echo what tessa said...if i had a car & could do things with you, i totally would!
ReplyDeleteas for me, i like being a homebody (for the most part). with Brian being gone as much as he is, i prefer to spend time with him when he's actually home. since getting married, we've never had couple friends that we go out with. he was never comfortable with that & my closest friends weren't married at the time. we never invite people/friends over for parties...mainly because i hate throwing them & cleaning up after them lol! i stress too much & then have anxiety so i see it as pointless. i'm a person who can't say no though & would bend over backwards to help someone out...if i can. i can only do so much though, know what i mean? life's difficult all the time but it seems like these years are still meant for us to "figure it all out". don't worry, don't stress...it'll all work out :)