My Elder

Have I mentioned that I love my brother? He is amazing! He is currently serving in the Louisville, Kentucky Mission. I look forward to his emails each and every week. I LOVE Mondays. He always has something so kind to say. I am amazed at how his testimony has grown. And I love how mine as grown as well just from writing him and reading his letters. Well when he found out that we were trying to have another child he was so excited. Just another niece or nephew that he could corrupt. Cause he sure did plenty of that for Tegan before he left. He really is a fantastic uncle and Teg just adores him. Well every letter he has asked if I am prego yet. Each and every time he sends his love and wishes us luck. In any other family this would be a weird thing to talk about with your family much less your brother. But in my family it is far from weird. We have always felt comfortable talking about such things as a family especially around the dinner table. I LOVE it!
Well today I wrote him a long letter nothing special just mentioned what has happened since I last wrote him 2 weeks ago. And all he writes back is:
"hey I know how you can get pregnant have more sex and David needs stronger swimmers so fix that too".
All I could do is laugh! I laughed hysterically. He has not changed one bit. Then I replied that sometimes it just isn't that easy. He then told me that he isn't a doctor or anything but he hears that is how it is supposed to work. And told me to tell David to eat more fruit smoothies. Oh how I wish it was that easy. But I sure do love my brother and his lightheartedness about it all. I can't wait until this brother of mine comes home in 10 months!


My Trial

Yes I fully aware of how long it has been since I have actually blogged. Life right now really is just so exciting and crazy that I just don't have time to blog. But really it's not that all exciting. I would like to think it is. I have been busy with work, trying hard to keep my house clean, trying to get sleep, playing with my little buddy, and trying to find time to actually see my husband. I think we have become strangers. That isn't a good thing for the baby making process. Yes I said it once again...we are trying. I really do hate that term though. Trying? How bout I am suffering through the process.

Today I was 3 days late. 3DAYS! Really? Why does my body do this to me? I decided that since I was 3 days late that I would have David pick up a pregnancy test. But without fail one hour later the signs started. Oh how I hate those signs. Every month after the signs begin I decide that I am going to sit on the couch and watch endless movies or tv shows on Netflix. Or on other months I decide to read about everyone others lovely lives through blogs and facebook. Why do I make myself suffer through that? I don't know. It sometimes makes me feel better to see how successful everyone else's lives are. Other times I just sit and cry about how I would like things to change here, with me. But the things that I would like to change are out of my control. I just keep trying to tell myself that the Lord knows what he is doing. But that doesn't make it easier. If I hear one more person say "It will happen when it happens" I think I might go crazy.
After trying for 10 months I really wonder if I should be a mother of just 1. I love my little Tegan bug and he makes me so happy. But I would love to see him be a big brother. A fantastic one at that. I just know that he will be awesome! Oh and how I would love to hold a baby in my arms and know that it is mine. Be thankful once again for Heavenly Father's little miracles. Cause I do know that if I do get pregnant it will be a miracle. To have a child would be another miracle.

I still find it astounding that I was able to get pregnant so quickly with Tegan. I had kind of always tried to prepare myself for infertility. I knew that it was a great possibility that I would have to suffer with it. I was shocked that I was able to conceive after only 3 months of "trying". And now that I am longing for another child I keep telling myself that I knew that this would happen. But there really is no way that you can prepare yourself for this time. I could bottle it all in and become depressed. Which in some ways I feel like I do. But I do talk about it. Prolly to the extreme that people are sick of me talking about it. Why would anyone want to listen to my struggles and trials when so many people are having successful times?

I know this is a trial. What am I going to learn from it? I know exactly what I will learn....Patience. I don't have any. Absolutely none. So I keep telling myself that this could be a good thing. And that is when I just laugh at myself cause then I start getting impatient again.

I should be grateful that I do have one child when so many can't even have one. Which I am so extremely grateful. But like every other man and women who long for a child I do the same.

So in my sadness I will sit here tonight...not think about how I should be cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the floors...I will sit here and watch Glee, Raising Hope and Parenthood. I will laugh and maybe cry over a bowl of pomegranates and maybe a slice of cheesecake.


Wisconsin Cauliflower Soup

My friend shared this with me so I thought I would extend the favor. I always get this soup when I go to Zupas and I love that I can now make it at home. I am surprised how easy it is.

2 tbsp. butter
1 med. onion
1/4 cup flour
2 cups milk
1 can chicken broth
1 1/2 cups water
1 head cauliflower (Cut off stems and slice into 1 inch pieces)
1 tsp Dijon (or spicy brown)
2 cups cheddar cheese (may also substitute with Velveeta)
1 cup pepperjack cheese

Melt butter in stock pot, saute onions til med brown. Stir in flour and salt and cook for 2 min. (Warning do not walk away or stop stirring. Flour will scorch easily) Slowly add milk,broth and water. Add your cauliflower and bring to a boil. Reduce your heat and simmer for ten min or until cauliflower is tender. Remove from heat and puree in blender. Do not fill it to the top as heat expands and you turn your blender on, the soup will go everywhere. Once completely blended put back into pot and add your mustard and cheese.
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