My Curiosity

Disclaimer: This post is not intended to be rude in any way. I am just curious as to what people think. Thanks for not leaving mean comments :)
I have debated on posting about this subject for a long time. I have wanted to ask people about their opinions and I think this is the best way.
My goal has always been to have each of my children 2 1/2 - 3 years apart. And yes at this rate it just isn't happening. And unfortunately I really do not have any control over that. Some people choose to have their children much closer. Like 18 months apart. I have always wondered why women do that. I have always thought it to be a little crazy. My reasoning to why I wanted my kids spaced out a little
#1 is due to the fact that the first child would hopefully be out of diapers and I wouldn't have to pay for 2 sets.
#2 I get very sick while pregnant. I throw up all day every day for 9 months.
#3 I was on bed rest for the last 8 wks of my pregnancy with Tegan. At the age of 2 1/2 they are a little more independent. They are more willing to help not only cause they want to help out in any way that they can but they also know what you are saying.
#4 I also don't want to be carrying 2 babies around. I still carry Tegan around at certain times and how can you carry around 2 kids. I really don't want to be stuck at home all day long because I just can't handle 2 kids so close in age by myself. I am not a home body and I would go crazy. At times things already get crazy enough around here. I just can't imagine having another child right now.
#5 I want to be able to be able to spend a little while with my children before another child comes along. I want to cherish the little moments
I have heard various reasons as to why people want to have their children close in age.
They just want to get it over with.
They want their kids to be best friends.
I have always wondered how people know that their kids will be best friends just cause they will be close in age. I know of many people who are close in age with their siblings and they are not best friends. They actually very much dislike each other even as adults. Me on the other hand there is 3 years that separate each sibling in my family. I am still great friends with my brother and sister.
I understand that some people do not plan to have their children close. That their baby is a surprise (but in all reality if you are having sex then you can get prego).
But most people that I know plan for it. Then I hear from them "I'm so tired","I just lay around all day while my children are playing". OR "Diapers are so expensive with 2 kids", etc.
For me it is very hard to hear these things from people.
So I just wasn't to say you planned for this. You must have thought everything through as to what would happen when you children would be close in age. Or do people not think about those things?
Again this post was not targeted at anyone. This is just my opinion. I am stating my curiosity. If you don't like it then you can choose to not read. I am okay with that.
Thanks again for not leaving rude comments because in no way was I being rude.


Punch in the Stomach

That pretty much explains how I am feeling right now.
I would really just like to crawl up in a bawl and hope that all my worries and stress will go away.
I have decided that after 8 months of trying
We are going to put off having another baby.
We can't afford fertility drugs anymore
Even though I very much want to have a baby right now
We just can't afford it
Like everything else
I want to cry
I want to scream
I guess it just isn't right
But it doesn't make it easier
Hearing all my friends news about them being pregnant
Just makes me want to cry
I very much want to be happy for all of them
All of you
But I physically just can't do it
I apologize
I have also come to the conclusion that we will one day not be living paycheck
to paycheck
but the day is not now
The 3rd punch
I have to get a job
I so much did not want to work after I had kids
but it just has to be done right now
I am praying that something will come along
That I can do from home
with Tegan by my side
if it may be childcare or other adventures.
I ask that every that everyone please keep us in your prayers.
And please keep a look out for various jobs that I can possibly do
Thanks ya'll!
P.S. I never intended for this post to be a "feel sorry for me". I have never not been grateful for what I have. Also you will never know what one is going through unless you walk through their shoes. With all that said please be kind in your comments. I will say once again...this is my blog and my life, I can write whatever I want.
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