That pretty much explains how I am feeling right now.
I would really just like to crawl up in a bawl and hope that all my worries and stress will go away.
I have decided that after 8 months of trying
We are going to put off having another baby.
We can't afford fertility drugs anymore
Even though I very much want to have a baby right now
We just can't afford it
Like everything else
I want to cry
I want to scream
I guess it just isn't right
But it doesn't make it easier
Hearing all my friends news about them being pregnant
Just makes me want to cry
I very much want to be happy for all of them
All of you
But I physically just can't do it
I apologize
I have also come to the conclusion that we will one day not be living paycheck
to paycheck
but the day is not now
The 3rd punch
I have to get a job
Wow!
I so much did not want to work after I had kids
but it just has to be done right now
I am praying that something will come along
That I can do from home
with Tegan by my side
if it may be childcare or other adventures.
I ask that every that everyone please keep us in your prayers.
And please keep a look out for various jobs that I can possibly do
Thanks ya'll!
P.S. I never intended for this post to be a "feel sorry for me". I have never not been grateful for what I have. Also you will never know what one is going through unless you walk through their shoes. With all that said please be kind in your comments. I will say once again...this is my blog and my life, I can write whatever I want.
I am so sorry girl! I know how hard the money situation is as far as a baby is concerned I just know heavenly father is waiting to send you a precious little baby as soon as the time is right! Keep your chin up ill keep you in my prayers! If you need to talk or anything else you might need I am here! Love ya tessa
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ReplyDeleteYou don't have to be happy for me, ok? Totally not required or expected. I hope the stars align for you soon!
ReplyDeleteMy brothers wife has been going through this. She tried for a year, finally got pregnant after fertility treatments and then went into labor at 22 weeks. So her little boy lived long enough to name him and stuff and they haven't been able to get pregnant since. It's things like this that make me so confused when a loving family is so willing and ready to have another and they can't. I'll keep you guys in my prayers and hope that something will work out!!
ReplyDeleteI know this job isn't from home, but Tj Maxx allows you to write down the schedule you want on the application and they are understanding if you need to call out and things. I've worked for them off and on since I was 16 it's been a nice go-to job since they are almost everywhere and almost always hiring. Check craigslist though for babysitting jobs. The ones I found in Portland are AMAAAZING but they would have to find a replacement for me come December. So check EVERYDAY. Since school started there should be plenty of moms that might even need just someone for an hour or two after school for their kids! :)
:::Hugs::: Not what you expected, but sometimes the Lord gives us the greatest blessings disguised as trials. I never thought I'd work with small kids. But it has added so much to my life. You may just fall into something you love, that will make you a better person and mom!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you cannot get pregnant. :( I know Heavenly Father has another sweet baby he is just waiting to send you. Also, if you check out providentliving.org or http://jobs.utah.gov/, there are also jobs posted on there. I know that provident living is a church website so you have to sign up for it, but it is a good resource and so is the jobs.utah.gov. Go to job seekers and when it takes you to the next page, type in the county and then clear out the search at the top and it will list everything for you. :)
ReplyDeleteI know I can't completely understand what you are going through, but I know what it is like to wonder how long you will have to endure through certain trials. When I encounter trials I find myself thinking "if only I could see the end from the beginning. If only I could know that there would be an end to this trial and when exactly it would all work out." I normally just wish I knew how long I would have to endure, then I could just focus on hanging on. I guess that's part of the trial, not knowing how long a trial will last, but I do know that you can still feel joy even in the midst of trials. I'm praying for you and hoping that you get all the things you are hoping for really soon :) .
ReplyDeleteOh Naomi, I'm SO sorry you guys have been going through Fertility problems. We've also had to deal with this trial the past 4 years... We recently found out we would have to do In-vitro to be able to hold a baby of our own. Unfortuntely $12,000 is a little hard to find, so we will have to put off our dream a little longer as well. I wouldn't wish this on ANYONE.
ReplyDeleteThe pain doesn't go completely away, but the trick is finding things that you are grateful for and focus on those a TON. Through prayers, love, and happiness you CAN fight the ache in your heart.
You are in my prayers, my distant Whipple relative :)