I have faith. I am good with faith. But that doesn't mean that I struggle. I have the faith that My Heavenly Father loves me. I have faith that he loves my family. I have faith that his church is true. But through my own struggles my faith has wavered. I will never know in this life why my trials are my trials. I will never know why I wasn't given something else. I will never know why he chose me to have the trial of infertility. No one will ever know. Maybe that is why I struggle so much.
I feel like I have found a way. I have found some answers. They aren't really the easiest but it is a way. After some long 15 months I have an answer. Not exactly the answers that I wanted but again they are my trials.
I have become strong. I have become faithful. I have never relied on someone so much in my entire life. I have never asked so many questions in my life. Everything has always been so easy for me to understand until this.
I have spent our entire savings (which wasn't much) plus more in one month. Never did I expect that or want that to happen. But I have faith in my Heavenly Father that everything will work out.
I physically feel better more than I have in months. Mentally too. Those fertility drugs can be very evil. I hope to never have to take them again. For those that are and will have to I apologize. I feel your pain.
After a long time of struggling I am glad to say that I am happy. Has it been hard for me to get here? Yes. Will I still have rough times? Yes. But I have found light in the darkness.
Infertility is heart-wrenching. Faith questioning. Relationship testing. I am so glad that I know the truth. I am so glad that I know that my Heavenly Father has my best interest in mind. I am happy to know that Jesus Christ is my best friend, my brother, and that he is by my side through everything. As I cry myself to sleep after those hard days he is there to wipe my tears. He is there to tell me everything will be ok.
I have lost a few friends in this journey but have gained even more. Those who find my depression annoying aren't my real friends. I am glad to have some real ones in my life. I am glad that I found those friends in my time of need.
When you are depressed. For whatever it may be. Friends are the greatest they are needed. So I encourage everyone. Yes that means you. To stretch out a hand. Open up. Share your experiences. You never know who you will touch.
I feel like I have found a way. I have found some answers. They aren't really the easiest but it is a way. After some long 15 months I have an answer. Not exactly the answers that I wanted but again they are my trials.
I have become strong. I have become faithful. I have never relied on someone so much in my entire life. I have never asked so many questions in my life. Everything has always been so easy for me to understand until this.
I have spent our entire savings (which wasn't much) plus more in one month. Never did I expect that or want that to happen. But I have faith in my Heavenly Father that everything will work out.
I physically feel better more than I have in months. Mentally too. Those fertility drugs can be very evil. I hope to never have to take them again. For those that are and will have to I apologize. I feel your pain.
After a long time of struggling I am glad to say that I am happy. Has it been hard for me to get here? Yes. Will I still have rough times? Yes. But I have found light in the darkness.
Infertility is heart-wrenching. Faith questioning. Relationship testing. I am so glad that I know the truth. I am so glad that I know that my Heavenly Father has my best interest in mind. I am happy to know that Jesus Christ is my best friend, my brother, and that he is by my side through everything. As I cry myself to sleep after those hard days he is there to wipe my tears. He is there to tell me everything will be ok.
I have lost a few friends in this journey but have gained even more. Those who find my depression annoying aren't my real friends. I am glad to have some real ones in my life. I am glad that I found those friends in my time of need.
When you are depressed. For whatever it may be. Friends are the greatest they are needed. So I encourage everyone. Yes that means you. To stretch out a hand. Open up. Share your experiences. You never know who you will touch.
Inspiring! My friend Holly has struggled as you have (though she has been blessed with 2 adopted children) and she is so great finding and giving insights to these things so other women can understand and so women that are going through it can hopefully feel a little peace. She posted this today and I thought of you! :)
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I absolutely agree that anyone who can't deal with the depressed side of you probably wasn't a friend in the first place! I hope that you continue to gain some great friends, though, as you struggle through this and share your story with others! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNaomi I want to take you out to lunch so we can both chat.. I have MISSED you sooo much! YOur blog inspires me, we all have trials and I think when you write about them or talk about them they help others, so thank you for helping me just through your words.. Yoru amazing!
ReplyDeleteYou are a true inspiration to many of us, you really are such a strong person, even if you don't feel like you are! "Certain people" could learn from the way you deal with your trials ;). You are a great person and I love being your friend!!
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