After 2 1/2 years of heartbreak we are proud (and shocked) to announce. 

 

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"I love her!"

Somedays Tegan is the only thing that keeps me going. Keeps me happy. He gives me the motivation that I need to make it through the day. I am so very grateful that Heavenly Father sent him to us when he did.

The other night he walks into our bedroom with something very small in his hand. He walks up to us while looking in his hand and says, "I love her!". I then asked him who he loved. He then showed me what was in his hand. In his hand layed a small picture no larger than a quarter. It was a picture of a girl. A picture ripped from a magazine (is my guess) perfectly cut around her head. Random right? I then asked him why he loved her. He replied with, "Because she is happy and has a big smile. And she is pretty." He now has that picture of that girl or should I say woman, sitting on his nightstand.

Its things like this that make me smile and laugh. My life, our life, would be so boring without him.

I'm Sick Too...

Sometimes I am onery and just want to join the complainers. Not that their complaints are invalid. Mine aren't either.

I am not almost 9 months pregnant, actually far from it. But I sure feel like I am. The meds that I am taking in hopes that I will become pregnant make me super sick, super bloated, prevents me from losing weight, gives me really bad migraines, and makes me super ornery.

At least you are getting a baby out of your sickness. I'm not so lucky...

Not again…

Inside I really was hoping that my period wouldn’t come. That somehow I really was pregnant and the blood test was wrong. Well that didn’t happen.

I was a little anxious for another month to start. Excited that I FINALLY ovulated. But sad that I would have to wait yet another month. At least a month.

Well I get to wait even more. Another cyst was found. I was so excited while talking to my nurse as she told me before the transvaginal ultrasound that things were looking up. That since I finally ovulated that it was just a matter of time. Then the cyst was found and all the plans were put on hold yet again.

Another month of birth control. Another month of crazy me. Another month of migraines/headaches. Another month of waiting for a baby. I have never wanted anything more in my life than this.

I’ve got what?

This past cycle I was finally able to get back on track after the ovarian cysts. So first I started with Clomid. Nothing again. Then I took Femara. I like Femara much better than Clomid. The symptoms were very minimal and I didn’t go mentally crazy.

Shortly after taking the Femara I went to my fertility doc to have my ovaries all checked out to see if I had follicles. What are follicles? Follicles is where your eggs come from. They are very important. I haven’t had follicles for as long as we have been trying to conceive (TTC). Once again the nurse performed an internal ultrasound. Right ovary: Nothing. That is when my nurse yelled at my ovary. Yep. Yelled. Left ovary: Hallelujah! 3! Count them. Three follicles. I bawled. My nurse shed a few tears. Finally some kind of progress.

I was then taught how to give myself a HCG injection. HCG injections will force your body to release eggs. or in other words ovulate. My nerves started.

When the time came that night to give myself the injection I was crazy nervous. How in the world was I going to give myself a shot? I couldn’t do it. David ended up giving it to me. Then I realized that I forgot to mix the meds. Yep I just injected myself with just water. I was so relieved to have only injected with water and not some crazy amount of meds. So then David had to poke me again with the actual meds. Thank goodness it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

Then the time came to wait. 2 weeks! At 2 weeks the HCG has left your body and you can take a blood test to see if you are indeed pregnant. I am so glad I was so busy and that those 2 weeks went by so fast.

2 weeks was today. I couldn’t sleep last night. So nervous to find out the news. Trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t get upset with negative results.

Well it was negative. I tried to hold back the tears as my nurse continued to console me on the phone. Told me what the next plan was. I held them back until I hung up the phone. Then they came. Like a waterfall.

I am giving myself until the end of today to be upset. Hopefully it works out that way. Hopefully I can be strong.

So here is to another month of meds and crazy hormones.

Sick

Let me start out by saying that I HATE birth control. I have felt terrible and have been mean the entire time. Thank goodness I only had to take it for 3 weeks. Thank goodness the cysts shrunk!

So here I am on another month. This month I will finally start the injections. I have already started the Clomid. But of course the night before I started taking it (Friday) I got sick. Flu sick. Having the flu and having to take meds does not really work. I prayed that the vomit would just stop so I could start the Clomid in the morn. My prayers were answered. Now if only I could feel all better.

A What?

Well as you may know from my last post, last month was a total waste. Took Clomid and it didn’t work. It won’t ever work by itself. So the plan was for this month to pair it with some injections. I was kinda scared and nervous. Yesterday I had another ultrasound. Well during that ultrasound a cyst was found. Not a tiny one either. This one is around the size of a golf ball. Nice! So instead of taking injections this month I get to take birth control. Crazy right? Seems a little strange. But it is the only thing that will shrink ovarian cysts. If you know me well you will know that I HATE birth control. I haven’t taken it for over 6 years. I feel terrible, I am cranky, and I gain weight.  I guess it isn’t any different then what the fertility drugs have been doing for me. But in a sense at least they are kind of productive in a way. So I am praying that it shrinks and that we can get back to the plans next month.

Where am I?

Have you been wondering where I am? I have been kinda wondering the same thing. Let’s just say that we have been on a crazy rollercoaster the past little while.

I have sat down at my computer countless times to write this lovely blog post but just haven’t had the energy. So in January we had our appointment at the Fertility Center. And can I say relief? Relief! It is so nice to have a doctor that will actually listen and be proactive. No wasting my time or theirs. As well as my money. I have gone through many docs the past 2 years and none have gotten me as far as this one has. So here is kind of a rough timeline of how things have gone

January 11th: Our First Appointment. First Ultrasound. Yes 1st. An internal one. Not a pleasant experience. No ovarian cysts. YAY! Started taking Prometrium (progesterone) for the…I don’t know how many-th time. Here comes the “fun” side effects.

January 12th: Handed over my money for the meds. Not cool!

January 26th: Aunt Flo arrives. YAY me!

January 27th: Ultrasound. Not pleasant. Remember who just came to visit? Cyst was found. Luckily small. Hopefully it won’t be causing problems. Blood Test.

January 28th: Clomid. Lots of it. “FUN” side effects again.

February 1st: HSG performed. Painful. Very painful. Tubes are clear. YAY! Confirmed by blood test that I have PCOS. Not the greatest news but I was prepared. As much as one can be. Paid first payment. Pray that we won’t be in the “red”.

February 6th: Ultrasound. No follicles. No ovulation this month. No baby. Resistant to Clomid. News that even more meds will be added to my regimen including 3 injections. No yay.

February 8th: Start Provera (progesterone).

February 21st: Get bill in the mail. Cry. Big. Crocodile. Tears.

So here I am today. Exhausted. Mentally, physically, and Emotionally. Prolly emotionally more than anything. I want nothing more to feel “normal” again. It is not fun what these meds do to me. How they make me feel. To describe just a little…It feels like you are pregnant. Full blown pregnancy symptoms but without a baby. Not fair. I know one day it will be worth it. But right now I am going to cry. I am going to scream. And I am going to curse. Yes. I do. Does it make me feel better. Yes sometimes. And I am ok with that.

In the meantime I am loving my 4 year old. Yes I have a 4 year old. He had a birthday amongst all this. {More on that later}. And I cried. I don’t like how fast he has grown. He is not a little baby anymore but my side kick. And I LOVE him.

My husband. Oh how I feel sorry for him. He has had to deal with rollercoaster me for far too long. I just love his shoulder that he offers for me to cry on.

My diet? What diet…? Yes that has gone down the toilet. boy was I loving the results while doing it though. I lost 13 lbs. Crazy right? After starting the meds though I was not feeling it. I was way too nauseous to eat “good” foods. I was way too sick to make meals. So I prolly have gained. Have I noticed? Not really. Do I care? Maybe just a little.

So here is to another month. Another month in this dreaded journey. The journey to continue our family.

My breakfast for the next 2 weeks!

So for the next 2 weeks like mentioned before I get to have Pink drinks for breakfast. There are 3 different recipes and here is one that I tried today.

Pink Drink #1

1 cup almond milk

1 cup berries

1 scoop whey protein powder

2 tbl. hemp powder

Blend in a Blender. Yum!

It was a little hard to drink at first because of the texture of the powders but after I got started it is actually really good. And filling!

A New Year…A New ME

There is no doubt that the last 2 years have definitely been the hardest of my life. infertility sure does mess with you. Low self confidence, depression, weight gain, and of course crazy hormones. With all my internal problems I wasn’t realizing what was happening on the outside. I gained weight…lots of it. I am an emotional eater. So of course when I am down in the dumps I eat. I eat lots of yummy delicious treats. Everything I eat is pretty healthy but I like my ice cream, brownies and cake.

One day I was watching the Dr. Phil show. Which I rarely do. And they had a weight loss system that I thought I could totally do. Personally I have a problem with menus. I am just not organized enough (or not at all) so make up a menu every weeks to follow. Much less a healthy one.So when I found out that they had a blueprint to follow I knew I could do it. Well of course I checked it out and realized that I wouldn’t be able to afford it for a month. So a couple weeks later my mom called me to tell me that she ordered it. And not only that they accidentally sent her 2. She tried to be honest and send it back but they said to just keep it. So it is mine. And I couldn’t be more excited!

The system is called The P.I.N.K Method.

It is a diet and workout plan. Just what I needed. It is made just for women. It is also for fast weight loss. Just what I need.

You start out with the Reset. Or in other words a detox. Depending on how tall you are and how much you weigh determines how long you will be in the Reset. For me I will be doing it for 14 days. So for 14 days I can eat lean meats and seafood, “Pink Drinks” (for breakfast), and lots of veggies. And a few other things but that is about it. I had a yummy Pink Drink for breakfast and let me tell you…it was delicious! During the Reset you don’t work out but I might do just a little.

So here on my blog I will keep everyone updated with my progress.

I am embarrassed to do this but I will also post my stats and measurements. Then I will be held accountable.

So here they are…

Weight: 233.5 lbs.

Bust: 44 in.

Waist: 45 1/2 in.

Hips: 51 in.

Thighs: 27 in.

Arms: 16 in. (I decided to add this…I would like to see how skinny they get.)

Yep I am pretty grossed out. That is why I am making a change. I want to lose 70 lbs…..in 8 months. Totally possible!

I am so excited to see some progress!

Blame

There comes a time in a child's life when he/she starts blaming things on others. Usually their sibling. They do it for things like when they make a mess, snuck some candy, turned on the tv, etc. All without asking. All because he/she knows they will get in trouble. Well you see Teg doesn' have a sibling to blame his faults on. So who do think he blames it on? That would David or myself. All depends on who he is talking to. It is quite hilarious actually. Just makes me realize how much he is missing out on without having a sibling. I sure hope he doesn't turn into a spoiled brat. I can already see it starting and I have tried everything I know.

We are hoping that this year will bring a baby into our lives. And not when Tegan acts like one.

Merry Christmas!

{Sorry ya’ll, Christmas cards just didn’t happen this year. Maybe next. Sorry to those your will not be receiving ours this year. I don’t even have time to make this all cutesy. }

We are so grateful for those you have thought of us this holiday season. We surely are blessed!

We hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

From The Patterson Family to yours

Fertility Treatments

I can't help but worrying about what is in store for me. For us. As mentioned before I made a phone call. Made an appointment with a fertility specialist. I have tried everything from my regular obgyn 3 of them in fact. Then tried to tackle it naturally with tons of vitamins and supplements. I have tried changing my diet. Nothing has worked. In the journey I did find out that my testosterone levels are super high. Which totally makes sense. It is one of the symptoms of PCOS. In the past 12 months I have had a period a total of 4 times. Of course that doesn't help.

So now I am hoping to find some help at the fertility center. I am guessing that the first step would be artificial insemination or IUI. I am so thanful for insurance since it does cover half of the costs. But looking at numbers the price is still more than we can afford. So hopefully my faith will be strong enough.

So my question is: Has anyone done IUI or know anyone that has? What are your experiences?

I have heard a lot about IVF but not a lot about IUI so I am just curious.

Thanks!

Empty

Next month is an appointment. One that I wish wasn’t so far away. Yet it is. I received that paperwork for such appointment via email. Pretty sure that 19 pages of paperwork will drain my ink cartridge and take forever to fill out.

I wish I was told how hard it would be to “BE” while trying to get pregnant.

Life goes by way too fast…

As I dropped my little mister off for speech therapy this morning I couldn’t help but to get a little teary eyed. As I watched him walk up to the door all by himself big as can be made me just a little sad. Then he turned to look at me and said, “Bye Mom. Love you!”. Then the tears came.

I can’t believe that my little baby is going to Primary next year. It really didn’t hit me until Saturday night at our ward party when someone informed me that he would be going. I was in shock. I just never realized how fast this year has gone by.

I have been putting off trying to find a preschool for him. I wasn’t sure why but then I realized that I am just not that happy to send him away for a few hours each week. What in the world am I going to do? I never thought that I would have so much time on my hands especially at this time in my life. I expected to have 2 little ones possibly with another babe on the way. Isn’t it crazy how things don’t go as planned? I just have to keep thinking that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me. It definetly isn’t my plan but he knows what is best. So through this Christmas season I am and will continue to have Christ in my thoughts and be grateful for what I have. It sure is hard most of the time but it is the only thing that keeps me going. That and my little rascal.

On another note we are trying to find friends. Yes all of us. David and I would love to have group dates. We just think they are fun. So if anyone would like to make new friends and maybe do something once a month or just once please let me know. We are going to be proactive this coming new year and do some fun things.

Tegan also is looking for friends. Poor kid doesn’t have siblings to keep him busy and he sure is bored of me most of the time. So if you would like to do a regular play date let me know. I want to plan things so that he has stuff to look forward to.

Merry Christmas ya’ll!

Jonah Mowry: 'Whats Goin on..'

EVERYONE needs to watch this. I am bawling! I too was bullied. I am still bullied as an adult. It needs to stop! Hopefully everyone's hearts will soften even just a little by watching this.

What to do…

It is crazy to think that this is will be our 2nd Christmas without a baby. That’s right it has almost been 2 years. It kills me to know that in that 2 years many women are getting pregnant with their 2nd child in just the amount that we have been trying for one. Yep kills me.

After many rounds of clomid, months and months of progesterone, doctor after doctor, supplements and vitamins, too many doctor apppointments to count and a hole in our pockets I am just ready to give up. Ready to get on with my life. I would like to feel happy with just one child but I just feel like our family is not complete. There is a just a void that needs to be filled. I am not sure how it will be filled but somehow it does. We are trying to decide what is next. We are praying for an answer. We are praying for comfort.

So please keep us in your prayers through this holiday season. This is the hardest time of year for me.

I am now going to go cuddle my little buddy and sing him to sleep. I am so grateful to be a mother to one special little boy yet I am longing for more.

Hi my name is…

Naomi and I am addicted to Vampire Diaries. Yep that’s right. Took me awhile to get on the bandwagon since we don’t have cable. But after they put it on Netflix I knew I had to watch it.

The problem is there are only 44 episodes….

I am at episode 34….

I watched that many in a matter of days….

I am tired….

I need sleep!

Me being a Twilightfanatic now says….Move over Edward…Team Stefan!

Super Power

If I could choose one of the many super powers that people dream of what would I choose? I would choose for the ability to stop time. So I can have the opportunity to catch up. I really don’t like being left behind.

Just a little sad today.

It just keeps getting closer and closer to the 2 year mark.

And I don’t like it one bit.

Tomorrow will be better.

School Bus

Tegan asked me like he does pretty much every day: “Mommy I wanna go to Nana’s house!”

Me: “Not right now bud.”

Tegan: “Yes today MOM!”

Me: “Not right now. You are going over later.”

Tegan: “I will ride the school bus.”

Me: “Sorry bud but a school bus doesn’t go over there from her.”

Teg: “YES! School bus take me.”

 

Things that Tegan loves: The Magic School Bus and Nana.