No Good Rotten Day...Or Couple of Months

Have I mentioned that I hate the winter? Well I do. My seasonal depression starts to set in and it is just terrible. If you have never had it or really any depression you are lucky. It consumes your life. Yes you can take medication but after years of taking it you start to feel like you are in a tunnel with no way out. At least that is how I feel. I don't know why this winter has been so hard for me. Well I do know I just wish I could control those reasons. I have been sick off and on for a couple months now. I am going to the doc and insisting that they make me better. Might as well do the same for Teg as well. I wonder if they will let me pay one co-pay for the 2 of us.

Hmmmmm......

Could also be that I have no control if I get pregnant or not. This month has been terrible for me. This month I could be having a baby. Just like all of my other friends. Each time I hear about another friend getting pregnant it sends me more into that dark place. This month marks an anniversary, not a happy one. This month marks a one year anniversary for how long we have been trying for a baby. I wish I could be one of those women who think about having a baby and get prego. For me it just isn't that easy. It takes a lot of planning. A lot of organization. Which I am terrible at it. You would think I would be a pro by now. I have to remember that Day 5 I have to start taking my Clomid. Day 14 for every other day we have to be lovey-dovey. But who wants to be lovey-dovey after all that planning. Blah! And how am I supposed to feel lovey-dovey after feeling like crap due to the seasonal depression and being so sick. It is an endless cycle. One that I do not care one bit about.

I have heard from many people: "You don't want to take Clomid, you can have multiples" Really I had no clue! Yes of course I did. Do you really think I care? Of course it comes from those women who even think about having a baby and they are pregnant.

So to take care of these winter blues I will be going tanning tomorrow. That always seems to help, even if just for a little while.