Pondering

I found myself pondering today.

I came to the realization that I have never had a best friend.

I have never had that one person I could call when I needed someone to talk to. I have never had a friend that even after not talking for weeks you talk like you talked yesterday.

Like you never missed a beat.

Kinda sad.

It is definitely not my fault though.

I think of myself as a kind person and a great listener.

I always invite fellow women and moms to do things with me.

On a very rare occasion has that been reciprocated.

Very sad.

Am I just not a friend magnet?

I have friends, many actually.

But not really anyone that would do anything for me.

Maybe I am just too kind.

Maybe I would bend over backwards for anyone.

Do people not like that?

Don't get me wrong my husband is my best friend.

I can tell him anything.

But sometimes I just want some girl talk.

A girl's night out that I enjoy.

Not a night that I feel like I have to be...not myself.

My mom tells me that it comes with age. That she didn't have a true best friend until she was older. But I have seen that many people have best friends.

Is it my lifestyle?

Am I just too poor?

Or too busy?

Am I too cheap?

Do those things matter?

Sometimes I feel like they do.

The minute I think that I can count on someone everything changes.

They stab me in the back.

It turns into a one way friendship like I am the only one that cares.

Kinda weird that my husband feels the same way.

We have never had couple's friends.

We don't have parties with the same people.

Heck we never even get invited to stuff.

We invite but once again it is not reciprocated.

Sometimes I really do wonder if we stink,

if we are strange,

or not funny.

I guess I just need to keep being me.

Maybe that perfect friend will come along.

My Best Friend.

Mr. Tegster and What's New

Tegan had his 3 year check up today. I can't believe how much he has grown in the last year. He is 39 inches tall which is in the 75%. He has always been in the 90% so he has slowed down a bit. But his weight was 31.8lbs which was in the 50%. What? This kid has never made it above 30% in weight. He is not a big eater so I was really surprised at this.
He is developmentally ahead on everything except talking. He should know 1000 words and a stranger should be able to understand 2/3 of what he is saying. I can't even understand that much. This has been really hard and causes lots of tantrums. He is very smart knows all of his colors and almost all his letters. He just doesn't want to take the time to talk or talk correctly. He told me that I should call the school district to see if they could evaluate him and see if he will need Speech Therapy. Oh how I hope that he can cause it is starting to get really frustrating.
The doc also noticed a little fluid in his ears. Nothing to be concerned about he just has a little cold. He then told me that he is very lucky that he has never had a ear infection. Over 90% of kids have at least 1 ear infection before the age of 3. Oh I am so happy about that!
I can't believe how big he is. I wish he would slow down a bit. I enjoy every minute with him. It might just be him for awhile so we get to spend a lot of time together which I love!

As some of you know David had an interview at work for a new position. We have been praying that he would get the job. And the day of his interview he was offered the position. We prayed trying to know what to do since the schedule is not ideal. He will be working 6am-6pm Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and every other Wednesday. Working Sundays is going to be really hard but he is hoping to be able to work something out so that he can go to church once a month. If another lead position (which is what he has) opens up with a better schedule he will have a better chance of getting it. So we are hoping that one will open up soon so he won't have to work Sundays forever. With this new position he will get paid $2 more. Oh how I love this news! We have decided that I will work until we pay off our car. Working has just gotten really hard. I hate not being home to make dinner. And it has caused a lot of stress just trying to arrange our schedules so that we have someone to watch Teg. I also think that it is the cause of me being so sick this winter. I have had to work many times while sick. No fun! Let's just hope that I don't get anything again. I am not a fan of bronchitis, I have had it 4 times this winter. Blah! I just hope that we can pay the car off sooner than later. Than I can put all my focus on Teg and trying to get prego. Working late hours has really put a tole on me and it doesn't help while trying to conceive.

Whoa....What a relief!

Haha not really.

I guess the relief would be that I don't feel guilty taking cold medicine and Advil.

But it really isn't relief.

Some women would feel relieved to not have a period for 2 months.

I just feel anxious.

2 months?!

Really?!

I took yet another HCG Quantitative test yesterday.

Which some may know it as a blood pregnancy test.

And for what it seems like the millionth time it was

NEGATIVE.

I am not surprised.

Really I am not.

It still hurts though.

I just wish my brain, mind and my body would join together

work together.

But yet again I am disappointed.

Somehow

Like I always do

I will pick myself up

And continue to go crazy

scheduling

Scheduling

I hate Scheduling!

On a different note

I am sick

very sick

I feel like I have the flu

but it is not the flu.

David is the same.

I am starving

but not starving enough to make myself

something to eat.

I want some cookies

but too sick to make them.

Like I have said on many occasions...

Story of my LIFE!

Who is turning 3?….

Tegan is turning 3.

I can’t believe it either. It seems like just yesterday that I was holding him as a little newborn in my arms. Kinda makes me sad.

But I have loved every minute I have had and will have with this boy. He is my little comedian. His smile and laugh is contagious. He is one smart kid even though he doesn’t talk much.

We have a fun day planned….

Build A Bear

Toys R’ Us

McDonald’s

and a fun night with our close friends eating pizza cake and ice cream.

And then Tegan will get to be spoiled while opening his gifts.

Then

Now

 

Happy Birthday my Lovey Bug!

Bad Day

Someone is grumpy.

Someone is depressed.

Someone is sick.

Someone one is tired.

Someone is sad.

And that Someone is ME.

Stay clear or I might just start crying.

It's just one of those days when I can not get my mind to stop thinking.

Thinking these days just get me into trouble and makes me sad.

I prefer to not think.

What Made Me Happy Today?

Not only did Tegan have no accidents today he also went poop in the potty TWICE! I love the little (or big) victories that I get to experience as a mom of the cutest lil' mister ever!

Now hopefully it sticks!

Another thing that made me happy today...

I was able to go to the doc to get lots of meds for Bronchitis. Yes I have it again. Or maybe it never went away. I think I am going to have to get a bronchitis shot now. They do have those right? I never want to get this again.

No Good Rotten Day...Or Couple of Months

Have I mentioned that I hate the winter? Well I do. My seasonal depression starts to set in and it is just terrible. If you have never had it or really any depression you are lucky. It consumes your life. Yes you can take medication but after years of taking it you start to feel like you are in a tunnel with no way out. At least that is how I feel. I don't know why this winter has been so hard for me. Well I do know I just wish I could control those reasons. I have been sick off and on for a couple months now. I am going to the doc and insisting that they make me better. Might as well do the same for Teg as well. I wonder if they will let me pay one co-pay for the 2 of us.

Hmmmmm......

Could also be that I have no control if I get pregnant or not. This month has been terrible for me. This month I could be having a baby. Just like all of my other friends. Each time I hear about another friend getting pregnant it sends me more into that dark place. This month marks an anniversary, not a happy one. This month marks a one year anniversary for how long we have been trying for a baby. I wish I could be one of those women who think about having a baby and get prego. For me it just isn't that easy. It takes a lot of planning. A lot of organization. Which I am terrible at it. You would think I would be a pro by now. I have to remember that Day 5 I have to start taking my Clomid. Day 14 for every other day we have to be lovey-dovey. But who wants to be lovey-dovey after all that planning. Blah! And how am I supposed to feel lovey-dovey after feeling like crap due to the seasonal depression and being so sick. It is an endless cycle. One that I do not care one bit about.

I have heard from many people: "You don't want to take Clomid, you can have multiples" Really I had no clue! Yes of course I did. Do you really think I care? Of course it comes from those women who even think about having a baby and they are pregnant.

So to take care of these winter blues I will be going tanning tomorrow. That always seems to help, even if just for a little while.

Potty Training Day....?

I decided to not post the rest of the days. Why? Because they were terrible. He took like 5 steps back and had tons of accidents. Plus I was so tired at the end of the day that I had no desire to post. Well now it is going much better.

I think it all started on Sunday during nursery. I went in after Sunday School to take Tegan potty. The teacher (who was totally new to Tegan) said that he had gone awhile ago all by himself. What? He has never done that much less in a new place. I then asked him if he needed to go and he went right in and really did do it all by himself. I couldn't have been more proud. The past couple of days have been great! Except on Monday for some odd reason instead of going in the potty he decided to pick up a towel from the pile that I was folding and decided to pee in that. Huh? I told him to stop and hurry to the bathroom. Which he did but stopped and finished. It really was hilarious cause I have no clue where he came up with that.

I haven't had to remind him to go potty for 2 days now and it has been great! Except he still can't get #2 down. It is getting really frustrating. But I do have to remember that he has already taken some big steps and is doing so good. Anyone have some tips? I don't think there really is anything. But it's worth a try.

I am so glad that I didn't have to work for about a week so we could get ahead on this. I am really starting to not like work. It's not that I don't like my job (which I really don't but the people make it a little more bearable) I am just tired of having to work. I don't know how you working mom's do it. It is so tiring to make sure I have a sitter for Tegan. Plus I don't have a life anymore. I rarely get to see my husband. It is quite sad. Hopefully soon I will have a reason to quit. We either need to pay off David's car fast or get prego. After a year of trying I think it is time body to take the lunge and join everyone else. Maybe peer pressure will work. Everyone else is doing it why not me? Oh yea cause my body sucks!

***Christmas Pics are coming soon***

Happy New Year!

I will have to admit this year has been a tough one. But really though what year isn't? Here are just a recap of what has happened this year:

• Mister Tegan turned 2 years old in February.
• Earlier this year David's grandma passed away. It was a bittersweet moment. I am so happy that she is no longer suffering and in a beautiful place.
• During the same weekend I celebrated my 23rd birthday.
• We had endless car problems.
• We were blessed in many ways. It is amazing what paying your tithing can do. Somehow we were able to have a little extra money each month.
• We went to Yellowstone for David's family reunion.
• I started working.
• David turned 26 years old.
• We spent and continue to spend many days apart due to our 3 jobs.
• Tegan has thrived and finally started talking a lot more. Not where he should be yet but we are working on that.
• I got released from Primary after 2 years.
• We celebrated Thanksgiving with my family instead of David's family cause we both had to work.
• Tegan and I both took trips to the ER.
• I had many OBGYN appointments.
• We spent a lot of money on infertility drugs and ovulation tests.
• I had some hard months due to my crazy hormones. (I found comfort in knowing that my family and friends were there for me during these hard times)
• David rolled his ankle playing softball during the summer and to this day still has pain.
• David was recognized many times at work and got many gift cards for them. He saved them all and we were finally able to get a Wii balance board and a nunchuk. (we can play together now!)
• Lots of colds and flu's.
• We spent Christmas with my family for Christmas. We got to talk to Elder Whipple for hours. Tegan loved talking to his uncle.
• We ended this year with potty training Tegan.

So this year hasn't been all that bad but we sure have had some trying times. We look forward to a new year and all that it has in store for us. Maybe a baby? Maybe a new place? We can only hope.

I am keeping my resolutions pretty simple this year. Especially since I don't think I did any of mine last year.

• I would like to make more friends. Maybe we can even become friends with a couple. Since we really don't have any couple friends.
• I would like to try to be more organized.
• I would like to get our laptop fixed so I can start digitally scrapbooking.
• Be better at making our bed and Tegan's (I am terrible).
• Go to the temple more.
• Save money to go on a trip when Elder Whipple comes home.
• Save money in general.
• Pay off David's car.
• Exercise more often.

Let's make it a great year in 2011!

Potty Training Day 2

***Sorry might be a little TMI. I have always loved hearing people's stories on how they dealt with potty training and not many people talk about it. So I decided that I would. If you don't want to read about the Potty Training adventure just skip these posts***

Day 2 went surprisingly well. This kid is getting so good at going to the potty. I would remind him every so often that if he needed to use the bathroom to let me know. He would either go by himself or tell me "I gotta go potty!" and then we would rush to the bathroom. This afternoon I could tell that he needed to make a BM but he did not want to go. He would even tell me he had to go but would go to the bathroom and nothing. Well not long afterwards I look over at him and he is just standing in the living room in the middle of the floor just looking down. I asked him if he went poop and he says "I pooped!" Oh dear. I am surprised how calm I was through the whole ordeal. He was pretty grossed out at the mess so I am hoping that he won't do it again.

That is the only one accident that he had today and I am totally ok with it. I am so glad I waited to potty train him. This time around it is going smoothly. I think that if I would have started earlier we would still be having a rough time. I see that in the near future he will be doing great with very few accidents.