My knees are gunna be hurtin’ tonight.

Right before I crawl into my black hole and cry.

Is it safe to say….

that Tegan is potty trained? I don’t want to jinx it but I am sure proud of my little buddy. He hasn’t had a accident since Thursday! What?! I am sure he will occasionally have them but to not have them everyday is just wonderful. It makes my day so much better when I don’t have to clean up the mess. So for his reward we are going to Disneyland with my family in December. We were already going to go but I think this helped him actually want to potty train. It sure was a long 8 months trying to get him trained but it was totally worth it! He is still wearing pull-ups at night since he still has occasional accidents. But the past few nights he has been getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom so I hope that night training isn’t far behind. 

These are some pics from our trip to the Dinosaur Museum today.

Tegan with his friend Bronson.

Tegan posing in front of the shark.

Is it worth it?

Sometimes I wonder if all the stress that I put myself through while trying to conceive is worth it. If going to the doc multiple times during the month is worth it. If spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars is worth it. But then I see Tegan…I see how happy he makes me. I see how he makes my days so much brighter because he is part of them. I love that he is my little buddy and partner in crime. He sure can be a little handful at times but it makes me love him even more. He is so much like me it makes me laugh. I can’t wait until that day when Tegan can do what he does best and that is be a little friend to children that are smaller than him. I can’t wait till the day that he becomes a big brother.  So after seeing all these things I realize that it is worth it. When I do finally conceive I will have a new appreciation to those who go years and years without being able to be a mother. I will never take all the miracles that come into my life for granted. So yes…It is totally worth it!

A Haunted House

As some of you may know we are living in my parents old house. When I lived here during my teen years I always thought that this house is haunted as well as my family.  I would hear the strangest things in the middle of the night and see things too. We then found out that the house was built on indian burial grounds. Really! The house isn’t old or anything it is only maybe 11 years old. So it is just weird!

Right after we moved in I heard what sounded like a glass being dropped onto the wood floors. I scoured the kitchen to find nothing. Well last night David and I were woken up by the blood curdling screams of Tegan. He rarely does that. If he does wake up in the middle of the night (which is quite often) he will climb into bed with us. David ran into see him sitting up in his bed frozen. David asked what happened and he replied saying “It’s rocky”. David of course had to ask some more questions to understand what he was saying. He then found out that Tegan saw someone sitting on his rocking horse (that is in the corner of his room) rocking back and forth. Freaking you out a bit? I know it sure did freak me out as David told me. Well tonight we are moving the horse out of his room in the hopes that he doesn’t see anything again tonight. The last thing that I want to hear in the middle of the night are the blood curdling screams from my toddler.

A Friend…

I feel so bad….Teg yesterday said that he wanted a friend. We drive down the street and he waves at all the big kids and wants to go play with him but he just isn’t old enough. Doesn’t help that he doesn’t talk as well as other 3 year olds. So he needs a friend! We get so bored during the day since it is just us two. So if anyone else’s child needs a friend let me know

What to say…

So I came to the realization that I have not posted much about my family or posted pics well before Christmas. Opps! I have been so caught up with my issues and life that I just haven’t even thought about it. I really should catch up though. This is the only way that I even keep track of our lives since I am not a journal writer. Just seems so private to me. I am not a private person. So soon…I will hopefully get caught up with what has been happening in the past 9 months….geez that’s a long time. I am sure many of you will be bored and just look at the pics but it is all for my enjoyment.

As some of you may have seen….we are taking another wack at potty training. We never really stopped we just got tired of things not progressing so we just stopped pushing it all. We have been potty training for about 8 months and have had little success. While at home and being in his underwear he does great! Then when you put pants on him he goes pee a lot in his pants. To the point that I have to wash all of his shorts in a matter of a couple hours. And he has a lot of shorts. He also rarely poops in the toilet. When he has gone it has been an accident. He has also been wearing pull-ups when ever we go anywhere because like I said put pants on him and he doesn’t go. Well after not being able to put him in preschool since he is not potty trained I decided that potty training needs to happen soon. It will happen this month. I know that he will continue to have occasional accidents but for the most part he just needs to be potty trained. I hope that when the school year comes and we are able to continue where we left off with the speech therapist he will continue to progress in his speech. Because to be honest he has not done well with that since school ended. He just does not like practicing with me. So hopefully with him talking more he will be able to communicate when he needs to go to the bathroom. I can not wait until that happens.

We have made a shrine on the wall, his potty training shrine. If he is potty trained by December he will get to go to Disneyland and meet Mickey Mouse. Who right now is his absolute fave! We were hoping to go on a cruise with my family but with some unexpected things coming up it unforuntely won’t happen. Hopefully it will happen in the near future. So we decided it would be much cheaper and easier to go to Disneyland. We are still trying to figure out when we are going and exactly what we will do but we are planning on going in December. We are hoping to go during Christmas but we will see.

Tegan personality sure has come out resently. He is hilarious! The other morning I lay in bed listening to what he was doing downstairs. As I was going down the stairs Tegan ran over in a very sneaky way said “No, No, No Mommy go upsturs”, “Go take a shower”. Of course when he does that I know that he is doing something that he isn’t supposed to be doing. Well it wasn’t as big as some other things that he has done recently he had just pushed a chair over to the large entertainment center and climbed a few shelves to get his playing cards that I was keeping out of reach so that 6 boxes of cards wouldn’t end up all over the floor. I guess I didn’t have them hiden well enough. Tegan also has some sweet dance moves! We are hoping to be able to put him in some gymnastics and then maybe a hip-hop class this fall so he can not only get some energy out but do what he enjoys with other kids. Tonight as he was naked (we were hoping to convince him to go poop on the potty. didn’t happen.) he stood in front of me with his hands on his hips shaking them like Shakira. Then put his hands in the air and danced like he was from the disco era and was John Travolta. Hilarious! He makes us laugh every day!

 

My brother, Elder Whipple gets home in less than 2 months and we couldn’t be more excited! I am so excited to see him with Tegan. Tegan was only 18 months when he left and was so sad when he did. Tegan is so much like him that it will be a blast to see those 2 together. I am so excited to hear his stories and see how he has grown into a man. I have loved reading his emails every week and seeing how his testimony has grown. I love how he has stuck by my side through my hard times even though he is states away. He always knows exactly what to say. I just love my brother!

Clique’s

Clique's why do they exist? Because women are self-conscious. And why is that? Because they always think they have to be better. They always think that people look down on them. They think they are not good enough. They get comfortable around women that they know. Women that they can ‘trust’. But do you really trust them?

I myself have never been in a ‘Clique’. Never have been, never will. Why you ask? I like to have many friends. I like to meet new women, new people. I like to learn of new things. And how to trust. If you never put your trust in someone how will you know what it means? How will you know what it means if your trust has never been tested?

I have found that in Utah women care too much of what others think. They don’t think they are funny enough. They don’t think they are skinny enough. They don’t think they are good parents. Why as LDS women or any women from any faith do that to themselves.

I know that I am the best parent that I can be. And I strive to be better every day. I know I am not skinny but I am happy in my skin. I may not be hilarious but I can be sometimes. Is that not enough? We are all trying to get to the same place. So as women why don’t we support each other? Why don’t we lift each other up?

I am a Child of God. And he LOVES me! I know that and will know that forever. I live my day every day striving to be like him. Did Jesus have Clique’s? Pretty sure he didn’t. So why do women think they need that?

As a women I will always wonder these things.

Blogs

First off I would like to apologize. I haven’t been the best at reading all of my wonderful friends blogs lately. I also have been terrible at commenting due to the fact that it rarely works. Drives me crazy! The reason I haven’t been reading a lot of blogs is due to the fact that it most of it depresses me. I feel like I am doing good keeping my mind on tract and staying positive until I read such great things about babies and families and then I feel like I fall a million miles below the surface. Below the ground in my dark place. I don’t want to be there.

I have tried to stay clear of babies period. Every so often it helps a lot by just holding a baby in my arms. It just does something for me. Babies are just miraculous and they bring me joy. But hearing of how people love how their children love their new baby brother or sister it kills me. I want nothing more for Tegan to be a big brother. He has started talking about it, about how he would love a baby. I hate that I can not give that to him right now. I hate that I can not do that for our family.

So I apologize for the way I have been. I apologize for how I have checked out. All I need is a friend right now.  Some people have extended a hand while others have told me to get over it. Obviously those people have no clue what it is like to be broken.

These feelings usually stay clear until that one time during the month. When my emotions are high and I know why. It is when my body welcomes Aunt Flow. Though she is not welcome here. I would rather not see her for 9 months. Maybe if I posted a ‘Not Welcome’ sign my body would get the clue and she would stay clear.

Until then please try to understand. Please understand how I feel. Understand how it may feel like you want something so bad in this world but you have no control over the results.

80 year old back

I am only 24 years old and I feel like I have a back of a 80 year old. I have felt like that for years. I would very much appreciate it if it would stop costing me money, chiropractors just aren't in the budget right now. Maybe if I could afford a sleep number bed I wouldn't have this problem. Still costing me money!

See in high school I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. No wonder I was always in pain. Then they said that I was cured. Then I was in 3 car accidents. Now it is a whole different problem.

I don’t remember a day that my back didn’t hurt. It pretty much sucks! Who has the money to spend $15-$40 for each chiropractic appointment a few times a month. I certainly don’t. Most days I have just learned to grin and bear and other days I can barely move. Like today. It would really help if my husband could give some awesome back rubs but lets face it…he sucks. Sorry hon!  His idea of a back rub is hitting my back. Yep! Then I get mad cause that is not a rub. Then he starts poking. What? Yea that doesn’t feel good at all. Maybe if he learned to give some awesome back rubs I wouldn’t be in pain as often.

Well let’s face it I will prolly always be in pain, maybe it would just make it less noticeable.

Discipline

Tegan likes to pick at things. He likes to pick at stickers, paint, wallpaper, food, you name it. In our previous home he picked at a tiny hole in the wall in his bedroom. As he picked at it the paint disappeared around the area more every day until it was massive. Now as we are in another place he decided he wanted to try it again. There was a small area above the stairs that was missing a little paint due to moving furniture. What did Tegan do? He decided he needed to pick at it again. He has spent many times on the time-out stool. #1 for doing the act that I have told him multiple times not to do. and #2 for not cleaning up his mess. I have set the timer for him to clean it up and if it is not cleaned up then he sits in time-out. Then I try to get him to do it again.
Obviously this has become an endless cycle that I am very tired of. David today will try to patch the whole so Tegan will not be tempted since he just has to do it. I blame it on his OCD. Yes my child is 3 almost 3 1/2 and he is OCD has been for a long time. He definitely didn't get it from me.
So now I ask what should I do? The discipline isn't working and I am tired of looking at his mess since I refuse to pick it up. That just won't work in the discipline process.
I will gladly take any advice. Thank you!